What I learned from the world's richest man

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Are you willing to change your attitude?

Bestselling author Alan Cohen shares "everything you need to know about achieving personal and financial success" from the "richest man in the world."

"Although you may not recognize him, you do know him," writes Cohen.

What would such a mystery man have to teach you and me? Well, how about this:

"Contrary to popular belief, getting everything we want does not involve gritting your teeth and fighting each step of the way. Instead, it means adjusting our changing attitudes -- from a fear mentality to a wealth mentality."

That means overcoming small and self-defeating modes of thinking ... and taking care of people while life takes care of you.


What do you see?
What we see, is what we believe.

Yet the universe was created in utter abundance, even extravagance. For every limit that we can imagine, there is something beyond it. Look more. See more. Wonder if there is more available to you than you’ve been settling for. Notice signs of plenty around you.
 

How do you think?
We shrink our world when we think and talk small.

It shrinks even more when we surround ourselves with those who agree with us. Many find comfort in living tiny lives, and resist even those changes that would help them. The cause of this poverty is not lack, but fear and withholding. The world is not small. We are.


Allow all that life offers! 
Do not limit life to your beliefs.

Instead, expand your beliefs to allow for all that life has to offer. Those who succeed in life pay more attention to their own visions and goals than to the history or opinions of others. Be brave. If you do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten.

Allow all that life offers!
Wealth is a mirror of our beliefs and expectations. When we change our minds, our situations change to reflect it. It is difficult to defeat an enemy who has an outpost in our heads. Poverty is an external circumstance that can be overcome, but poverty mentality is the enemy within. Our thoughts are the strongest currency at our disposal.

What is your point of power?
We inherit our beliefs about money from our parents and authority figures, learning (and teaching) through feelings, energy, and example. But we can reprogram our minds by focusing on prosperity. Remember that the present is our point of power. Move forward energized by positivity.

Direct your thoughts toward prosperity.

What is your point of power? 
Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed. Every interaction is an opportunity to practice human connection, and inhabit a life of quality and integrity.

Take care of the people around you and life will take care of you.


An investment in yourself! 
Everything we do, everything we buy, is a statement of what we believe we are worth. If we allow ourselves the things we love and embrace life’s pleasures, we can allow others the same. Consider your actions as an investment in yourself.

You are worth having anything you love.

Joy and choice ...
Money is a current of energy that becomes good or evil depending on how we think of it and use it.

When we recognize our power to generate wealth, we no longer need to coerce it or withhold it from others – because the only money worth having is that which is given and received with joy and choice.

Our source is infinite!
We can make anything out of anything.

If we cannot change a situation, we can reframe it in our minds so that it works in our favor. No single person or institution is the source of our good. Our source is infinite and can find us in ways that we have yet to even think of.

Enjoy what you have!
Happiness is not something that happens to you.

It is an attitude that you cultivate. Wanting more from life is healthy and natural; just remember to enjoy what you have. If you feel rich, you are rich.

Wealth is determined by more than money.

Trust yourself!
Our lives are guided by an intelligence that matches people with the things that they need.

Part of us is always clear and strong, even when other parts are not. We must learn to let that part lead, when we are confused or in a crisis.

We must learn to trust ourselves.

Your life is your work 
We can retire from a job or a career, but not from life.

We cannot afford to do anything with less than a whole heart. If we breathe passion and energy into our careers and creations, others will pay to experience that joy with and through us. Our lives are our work.

Choose both well.

Your life is your work
It is never too late to be what you might have been.

Your future is not what it used to be. Make a list of what you would do if you had one year to live, and do it – all of it. Enjoy the people you love as if it were the last time you will see them. Enjoy the life you are living as though it were the only one.

Your life is your work
"Life has an amazing way of sending help to those who need is," says bestselling author Alan Cohen. "When I most needed help, it showed up. Life did not leave me to drift and die. To the contrary, my ordeal led me to greater life."

 If you have liked these nuggets of wisdom, then you'll enjoy How Good Can It Get? : What I Learned From the Richest Man in the World, by Alan Cohen (copyright @2011 by Alan Cohen) published by Hampton Roads Publishing Co. 

5 Ways to Bring Peace into Your Day

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Take a Moment for Yourself

As soon as you wake up, it begins. You have meals to make, kids to dress, and a to-do list that never ends. Even your phone is delivering calls, text messages, emails and “Angry Birds” that keep pulling on you for attention. Does this merry-go-round world ever stop?


Here’s the good news: your life may not slow down, but you can. Moments to refresh and recharge are all around you. From the busy soccer mom to the over-worked executive, everyone can take advantage of these easy-to-do tips and tricks to bring more peace into your day.

Jennifer E. Jones is the Inspiration Editor who believes deeply in the power of the siesta.


Mute the Commercials 
Unless you have a DVR, you’re ingesting a lot of ads with needless noise that you’d rather not see during your favorite television shows. When the commercials start, mute the sound. It gives you 30 seconds to a minute of peace and quiet.

Breathe
I know you think you’re breathing right now and you are. However, I’m talking about deep breathing – the kind that lifts your chest, fills your lungs and then exhales the body into relaxation. Breathe before a big meeting. Breathe while you’re in traffic. Take a moment as often as possible to close your eyes and take deep breaths.


Use Mouthwash
Okay, stay with me on this one. Most mouthwashes recommend that you swish the liquid around for 30 seconds. You have to be careful not to swallow it, while still making sure it hits all the corners of your mouth. It takes some focus; it’s difficult to do anything else and use mouthwash at the same time. If you’ve ever wanted to practice mindfulness (the art of being fully and singularly dedicated to whatever you’re doing in the moment), using mouthwash is a great start. Stand still, close your eyes and really feel the mouthwash between your cheeks. When you’re done, you’ll not only have a fresh mouth, but a calmer mind.

Nap
Feeling stressed out? You might just need a nap. Millions of people don’t get enough sleep, and if that’s you, it affects every area of your life from your weight to your emotions. Even if it’s just for 15 minutes, find a spot and take a nap. The snooze will do your body good.

Go to the Restroom
Who among us has not escaped to the bathroom for a moment of solitude? Whether you’re at home, the office or in a crowded restaurant, it can buy you at least a minute or two of privacy to collect yourself. So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and you need a moment, excuse yourself. Put the “rest” back in restroom.

 

6 Ways to Stay Effective At Work When You’re Depressed

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Stay Effective At Work When You’re Blue

How do you work when you’re depressed? Here are six tips to help you if you're struggling with depression at the office.Therese J. Borchard writes the Beyond Blue blog on Beliefnet.

Break it Up
When the project I need done feels too overwhelming to begin, I break it down into very small pieces, and I give myself a deadline for each piece. For example, take a book. Now the mere thought of writing a book gives me a panic attack. So I don’t think about the whole book. I think about a chapter, about 10 pages. And then I break that down. When could I find time to write the first three pages (750 words)? I give myself a tentative due date. This was especially important as I was just surfacing to the working world again. If I didn’t break it down, I had to get out the paper bag and breathe from it. But divided into itty-bitty chunks, it was manageable.

Solicit a Cheerleader 
When you are the type of living organism that thrives on affirmations, like I do, it’s crucial to have a set of cheerleaders in your life to motivate you to get to the finish line, and to remind you that you have it in you to do it. Especially helpful are friends who have lived through the same hell of depression and have emerged as productive people today.


People
I know you can’t always choose your work situation, but if you have any control over it at all, I suggest you work on projects with other people, and physically be in the presence of other people. I think that is partly what was so helpful about working at the college.

The isolation of writing is not conducive to pulling yourself out of a depression. Too many temptations to ruminate and obsess. When someone is talking to you, on the other hand, you really should be listening. Which means you are not rolling around a week-old thought in your mind. Even if it means working in a coffee shop, as opposed to your house, getting around other people is almost always helpful.

Have a Venting Buddy
To clarify: Your cheerleaders are people outside your work who can “raw raw raw” make you feel better. A venting buddy, on the other hand, is someone within your work organization with whom you can be completely honest. This can be a dangerous step, so please proceed with caution.

But I know from the very recent experience of working at a rigid consulting firm that I would have completely lost it if it weren’t for three women in whom I confided everything: That I absolutely hated it, that I was looking for a job, that I was bipolar, that I might go postal at any moment. One woman, especially, my “new hire buddy” was a humongous support, as I would text her that I needed to have a cry outside, and she would just put her arm over me as I bawled. If you can find one person you trust, you will feel as though you aren’t totally alone. And that will make you less depressed.

List Your Excuses
Prior to working at this conservative consulting firm, I might have advised you to be perfectly honest with your co-workers and supervisor and divulge any depression or mood disorder. Yeah, well, I’m changing my mind on that. I thought I was doing the right thing by passing out copies of my book The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit to all my co-workers who I felt needed therapy, and setting up a blog where I could tie in research related to my job with my current bipolar status. Um. I got laid off. Not explicitly for that. But it really didn’t help my case.

So, for those people just entering a new job, I would seriously come up with a list of health issues you have, and use THOSE as your excuses. Don’t don’t don’t mention your depression or bipolar disorder. Everyone has funky stuff wrong with them. Geeze, I don’t know which to choose – my benign brain tumor, my aortic valve regurgitation, my Raynauld’s syndrome? In hindsight, if I were having a rough day at that firm knowing what I do today, I’d pick from the list and say I have a doctor’s appointment. I would not utter anything about a psychiatrist. I guess I just didn’t realize how backward corporate culture can be. Wow.

Don’t Blow Your Nose
This is another way of saying “fake it til you make it,” but since that phrase is overused, I thought I’d try another expression. In other words: The day that my boss told me that I had to shave off a layer of myself to fit into the firm – and that I shouldn’t breathe another word about my mental health history – I was trapped. I didn’t have a pass to exit the floor, let alone the building.

I couldn’t even go to the bathroom. So I sat in the room next to her with three other co-workers and I cried my eyes out, but since I didn’t blow my nose and kept my head down no one even noticed. If you can avoid crying altogether, that’s preferred. But I am a crier, and so if you are trapped in a situation where you can’t cry outside or in a bathroom, there is a way to sit at your desk and cry without anyone noticing. And if you type, even to a blank sheet that is not going nowhere, that looks (and sounds) even better. Like you are productive! When, in essence, you’re having a serious meltdown.














 

How to Attract Abundance

http://www.beliefnet.com

Ten steps to feeling successful in your life.
BY: Wayne Dyer

Reprinted with permission from "The Power of Intention" by Wayne Dyer, published by Hay House.

 Step 1: See the world as an abundant, providing, friendly placeWhen you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. When you see the world as abundant and friendly, your intentions are genuine possibilities. They will, in fact, become a certainty, because your world will be experienced from the higher frequencies. In this first step, you're receptive to a world that provides rather than restricts. You'll see a world that wants you to be successful and abundant, rather than one that conspires against you.

Step 2: Affirm: I attract success and abundance into my life because that is who I am. This puts you into vibratory harmony with your Source. Your goal is to eliminate any distance between what you desire and that from which you pull it into your life. Abundance and success aren't out there waiting to show up for you. You are already it, and the Source can only provide you with what it is, and, consequently, what you are already.

Step 3: Stay in an attitude of allowing. Resistance is disharmony between your desire for abundance and your beliefs about your ability or unworthiness. Allowing means a perfect alignment. An attitude of allowing means that you ignore efforts by others to dissuade you. It also means that you don't rely on your pervious ego-oriented beliefs about abundance being a part of or not a part of your life. In an attitude of allowing, all resistance in the form of thoughts of negativity or doubt are replaced with simply knowing that you and your Source are one and the same. Picture the abundance you desire freely flowing directly to you. Refuse to do anything or have any thought that compromises your alignment with Source.

Step 4: Use your present moments to activate thoughts that are in harmony with the seven faces of intention [creativity, kindness, love, beauty, expansion, abundance, and peaceful receptivity]. The key phrase here is present moments. Notice right now, in this moment, if you're thinking that it's hopeless at this stage of your life to change the thoughts that comprise your belief system. Do you defeat yourself with thoughts of having had such a long life practicing affirmations of scarcity and creating resistance to your success and abundance that you don't have enough time left to counterbalance the thoughts that comprise your belief system?

Make the choice to let go of that lifetime of beliefs, and begin activating thoughts rights now that allow you to feel good. Say I want to feel good whenever anyone tries to convince you that your desires are futile. Say I want to feel good when you're tempted to return to low energy thoughts of disharmony with intention. Eventually your present moments will activate thoughts that make you feel good, and this is an indicator that you're reconnecting to intention. Wanting to feel good is synonymous with wanting to feel God. Remember, "God is good, and all that God created was good."

Step 5: Initiate actions that support your feelings of abundance and success. Here, the key word is actions. I've been calling this acting as if or thinking from the end and acting that way. Put your body into a gear that pushes you toward abundance and feeling successful. Act on those passionate emotions as if the abundance and success you seek is already here. Speak to strangers with passion in your voice. Answer the telephone in an inspired way. Do a job interview from the place of confidence and joy. Read the books that mysteriously show up, and pay close attention to conversation that seem to indicate you're being called to something new.

Step 6: Remember that your prosperity and success will benefit others, and that no one lacks abundance because you've opted for it. The supply is unlimited. The more you partake of the universal generosity, the more you'll have to share with others. In writing this book, wonderful abundance has flowed into my life in many ways. But even more significantly, book editors and graphic designers, the truck drivers who deliver the book, the auto workers who build the trucks, the farmers who feed the auto workers, and bookstore clerks. all receive abundance because I've followed my bliss and have written this book.

Step 7: Monitor your emotions as a guidance system for your connection to the universal mind of intention. Strong emotions such as passion and bliss are indications that you're connected to Spirit, or inspired, if you will. When you're inspired, you activate dormant forces, and the abundance you seek in any form comes streaming into your life. When you're experiencing low-energy emotions of rage, anger, hatred, anxiety, despair, and the like, that's a clue that while your desires may be strong, they're completely out of sync with the field of intention. Remind yourself in these moments that you want to feel good, and see if you can activate a thought that supports your feeling good.

Step 8: Become as generous to the world with your abundance as the field of intention is to you. Don't stop the flow of abundant energy by hoarding or owning what you receive. Keep it moving. Use your prosperity in the service of others, and for causes greater than your ego. The more you practice detachment, the more you'll stay in vibratory harmony with the all-giving Source of everything.

Step 9: Devote the necessary time to meditate on the Spirit within as the source of your success and abundance. There's no substitute for the practice of meditation. This is particularly relevant with abundance. You must have an understanding that your consciousness of the presence is your supply. By repeating the sound that is in the name of God as a mantra, you're using a technique for manifesting as ancient as recorded history. I am particularly drawn to the form of meditation called Japa. I know it works.

Step 10: Develop an attitude of gratitude for all that manifests into your life. 
Be thankful and filled with awe and appreciation, even if what you desire hasn't arrived yet. Even the darkest days of your life are to be looked on with gratitude. Everything coming from Source is on purpose. Be thankful while empowering your reconnection to that form from which you and everything else originated.
. . .

The energy that creates worlds and universes is within you. It works through attraction and energy. Everything vibrates; everything has a vibratory frequency. As St. Paul said, "God is able to provide you with every blessing in abundance." Tune to God's frequency, and you will know it beyond any and all doubt!

5 Ways to Unwind After Work

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Having Trouble Letting Go of the Workday?

You've put in a hard day and deserve some time to rest. But having a relaxing evening can be tough with a handful of kids to watch, a supper to make, or a sink full of dishes to tackle.Discover five ways that can help you recoup after a day at the workplace - and still be there for your family.


Jana Melpolder is the Love and Family editor for Beliefnet, but only 8 - 5 Mondays through Fridays.


Leave Work at Work
Make it a clean break!

It's vital to leave work where it belongs - in the office and not in the home. This will help your mind relax when you're back at your place. Try to avoid checking your work email when you get home and concentrate on your family or friends instead. Once it hits 5pm you have the whole day to enjoy other things in your life. It will make the day much more interesting!


Sit in Silence 
Give yourself time to unwind. This can easily be down by putting the blackberry away on the train home or avoiding the radio on the drive through rush hour. If you allow yourself time to just absorb your day, then you'll probably have more energy to devote to other people once you arrive at home.

Change Your Clothes When You Get Home
This can help you switch gears and feel more relaxed once you step through the door. And really, who wants to be in pantyhose or a button-up shirt all day?

Have a Hobby
Remember when you had hobbies as a kid?

You'll tend to perform better at your job - and be a better parent or spouse - when you have other interests in your life. Teach yourself to play guitar, take evening classes, learn to play tennis, or sharpen your baking skills. Your hobby will be a great way to unwind after work!


Enjoy Happy Hour or a Family Meal
Happy hour might not be something you could easily attend or would even want to go to. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't enjoy the company of others. Get together with another family for a weekly meal together. You will only have to cook for it once every other week - and it will be as much fun for your kids as it is for you.

How to Make a Living in the Country - 5 Tips for Success By: Victoria Gazeley

http://copywithresults.com/


Tip #1: There's always something to do - so keep a list, prioritize it and time your tasks. Personally, I have this really bad habit of taking on more work than I can realistically handle at any given amount of time. "Oh sure, I can do that!" Right.

I've struggled with this for a very long time. Chalk it up to my perfectionist personality, I guess, and the fact that I can actually do most things I attempt! But what I've learned the last six months is that there's absolutely no room in a truly successful home based business for this form of self-sabotage. It's not fair to the client, to me, to my family... no one. And honestly, even though I can do a lot of technical tasks doesn't mean it's the best use of my time toactually do so.

So how do you get this under control? I started with a detailed to-do list that I rewrite andprioritize every day, Basecamp, and when I'm really 'with it', using a timer. I always time my work for billing purposes, but haven't really used the tool to keep me on track with multiple projects from a time management perspective. Use a countdown timer on your smartphone, or something like e.ggtimer. I learned this trick from my business coach and when I remember to use it, it works beautifully to keep me focussed and not so likely to go wandering off on Facebook... And man I get a lot done!

So, yes, I'm still actively working on prioritizing my to-do list and giving myself time constraints for tasks, but am finding it easier every day to be at least somewhat realistic about my ability to deliver a product on time. The result? I'm feeling WAY less stressed and am enjoying my work so much more. Kind of a nice perk, don't you think?

Tip #2: Use a project management tool like Basecamp to keep yourself organized.

As mentioned above, I use Basecamp to keep my projects organized and to allow clients to check in on their projects at any time of day without having to contact me. I'm currently managing 29 projects with this tool - without Basecamp, I can't imagine how I'd stay sane. It shows all my milestones in calendar format, features to-do lists and writeboards, file uploads and messages. And the Basecamp app on my iPhone keeps me on track when I'm away from the computer.

This tip alone has reduced my stress level dramatically - I no longer have to burn through email messages to find client instructions. Can't tell you how good that feels - not to mention how much more productive. Definitely worth taking for a test drive...

Tip #3: Keep regular working hours.

It's my goal to work 6 hours a day, Monday to Friday, with specific days designated for my web design clients and the modern homesteading site. I definitely haven't got anywhere close to this sort of time management, but I'm working on it. Far too often I'm still working at 7:30 at night after being in front of the computer off and on since 8:30 am, but I have stopped working late into the evening. With carpooling for school, looking after the homestead and other stuff that just 'comes up', I'm finding it challenging to set regular working hours and stick to them, so I've pretty much given up on that - it was creating more stress than it was solving. But I still end up working far more than 6 hours a day, and that's where I need to buckle down and start outsourcing some tasks.

The whole point of moving to our homestead was so I could do more fun things with my family. So far, I've really done nothing much but work on building my business. I have a gorgeous wooden rowboat we've taken out once, I live steps from the beach and haven't been there in weeks, and I have mountains right outside my door and haven't been on a hike in years. Don't get me wrong - I'm incredibly grateful for my business, and I love serving my clients - but I'd love it even more if I could spend more time enjoying our beautiful part of the world with friends and family.

Not an unfamiliar feeling to anyone who works for him or herself, I'm sure...

Tip #4: Don't try to do it alone.
I've tried doing it all myself, and I'm here to tell you that while it's possible, it's definitely not advisable. I don't make any money spending six hours trying to figure out a Joomla component - I just get frustrated. So now I go to the people in the know, and I'm so much happier. I've been fortunate to have been recently introduced to a whole group of superbly capable, talented business owners to whom I'm now in the process of outsourcing specific tasks that they love, but I, I've only recently admitted, do not.

Other platforms for outsourcing include Error! Hyperlink reference not valid., odesk.com, and other services where you can find talented people to help you grow your business. My only word of advice would be to know exactly who you're looking for , and exactly what you expect from a virtual assistant, designer or other professional. As a designer, I've seen too many clients (not my own, thank goodness - my clients rock!) who really don't know what they want, and expect 5-star work for a 1-star pricetag. That's not fair to anyone. But if you've done theresearch, you're realistic about what virtual assistance can provide you, and you know what you want and who you want to work with, you're golden! This also applies to hiring help around your homestead to take care of some of the tasks you maybe don't enjoy so much, and could be a blessing to someone in your community - mowing the lawn, weeding the vegetable beds, helping construct chicken houses and outbuildings... your dislike of a task or lack of time, and your willingness to pay someone else fairly to do that work for you is such a gift. Don't forget to give it! It will open up a whole new world...

Tip #5: Get a mentor.

This should actually be Tip #1, it's that important.

As a person who used to think I didn't need help with anything, this was huge for me. In fact,I resisted the idea for years . And, of course, for years I dreamed about working from home and having an online business, but never actually got it off the ground. I learned a lot and spent a lot of time in workshops and reading manuals (and spent a tonne of money), but working for myself remained a dream - until I found a mentor. For me, it was someone who wasn't scared to kick my butt, who could be honest with me about where I was wasting time and energy, and who knew exactly what I needed to hear to motivate me to finally make my dream a reality. That person is Sandi Krakowski.

For you, it might be someone local you can meet with regularly, but it definitely doesn't have to be. My mentor lives 3800 km away, and I only met her for the first time in early June after working with her for almost a year. I started out with copywriting coaching in August 2010, then took the plunge into a 6 month coaching program in January 2011. And during that short time, I went from the modern homesteading site being just a sparkle of a dream to what you see today - a work in progress that has opened up a whole new world for me, and that's been the vehicle for me to meet some of the most inspiring people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I've also launched my web design business that's been so successful I've had to keep it on the down-low so as not to succumb to the temptation to take on more work than I can handle...

So there you have it - finding a suitable mentor who you resonate with, who will give you tough love, and who leads with integrity and honour, is a huge component of a successful home based business... especially for those of use who are living on properties that also require a lot of our time and attention. For us, it's even more critical that we first get, then remain, focussed and productive. Without it, we're doomed to late nights in front of the computer, or hours away from our families.

I don't know about you, but that's definitely not the life I want.

10 Ways to Deepen Your Relationship

http://www.beliefnet.com

You Can Find Marital Bliss and Happiness
 By Terri Orbuch, Ph.D.

Happy relationships shouldn't be hard work! That's one of the upbeat findings from my landmark study of marriage, which has been following 373 married couples since 1986. Here's more good news for lovebirds: If you're in a happy partnership, married or not, you can keep it that way or make it even better by introducing a few new behaviors and small changes into the relationship. While many relationship experts say you need to focus on fixing what's wrong, my research shows that adding positive behaviors to the relationship has a much greater impact on couples' happiness. Here are ten ways to deepen your relationship bond, and be a happier couple.

Terri Orbuch Ph.D., known as The Love Doctor, is the project director of the landmark, NIH-funded Early Years of Marriage Project, the longest-running study of married couples ever conducted. She is a research professor at the Institute for Social Research at University of Michigan, and a professor at Oakland University. Her new book is 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great (Random House, 2009). Find out more at www.drterrithelovedoctor.com.

Accept Your Partner's Uniqueness
We have all had moments when we wished our partner was thinner, wealthier, more romantic, and so on. Take a look at your expectations and ask yourself how realistic they are. Unrealistic expectations lead to chronic frustration, which my study found is the main reason that relationships fail.

Do Random Acts of Kindness Often
Small gestures that say "I'm thinking of you" are essential to keep the relationship bond strong--i.e., he fills up her tank with gas, she brings him a steaming cup of coffee in bed. Hand holding, touching, or a midday love email are all small ways of showing affection. Research shows that the accumulation of small gestures has a bigger impact on couple happiness than grand, less frequent gestures.

Devote 10 Minutes a Day to Connecting
Most couples think they talk to each other all the time. But how often do you talk about things that really deepen your understanding of your mate? The happy couples in my study talked to each other frequently--not about their relationship, but about other things--and felt they knew a lot about their spouse in four key areas: friends, stressors, life dreams, and values. Set aside 10 minutes a day--I call it The 10-Minute Rule--to talk to your partner about anything other than work, family, the household, or the relationship. This simple change infuses relationships with new spirit and life.

Fall in Love All Over Again Every Week
Spontaneous dates are great, but the truth is that we're busy and we often don't make time for our lover. Keep your love relationship healthy with a once-a-week date--dinner out, a movie, dancing, an art show, couples yoga--whatever. Take turns planning it. Men: studies show that women are more passionate and their libido is stronger when they are out of their home setting--away from kids and chores. Watch what happens when you book a night at the local hotel, and get a friend or relative to watch the kids and pets.

Change and Grow, Together
Your love relationship is a living thing that needs nourishment to grow and develop. The best way to nurture it is to infuse it with change. Much like fertilizer for a plant, introducing change into relationships has been shown to be a key ingredient to couple happiness. The changes can be small, but they have to upset the routine enough to make him or her sit up and take notice. Switch roles: If he always makes the dinner reservation, let her do it. Or interrupt routines: Play hooky from work and do something fun together, like visiting a museum or tourist spot nearby. Or try something new: Take a water-skiing class together, or go on a mediation retreat.

Get to Know Each Other's Friends and Family
My research found that men, in particular, are happier when the female has a good relationship with his family. Also, couples who accept--not necessarily love--each other's friends and make an effort to know them report being happier than couples who have separate friends and separate family lives.

Be a Caregiver and Supporter
One of the three things couples need for a happy relationship is support (the other two needs are reassurance and intimacy). The happy couples in my study uniformly said that having a partner who was "there for them" was one of the most important aspects of their relationship. Men often like to give instrumental support--the kind of support that fixes or solves a problem. Women often like to give emotional support--empathetic listening and constructive feedback. Find out what type of help your partner really wants first, and then give it to him or her--often and consistently.

Keep it Light and Full of Light
Laughter is a spiritual practice. In marriage, it acts as happiness medicine. To keep your relationship from slipping into a rut, you need to balance the rational aspects of your partnership with the fun parts. Yes, you need to do certain things to keep your life orderly and your partnership secure. But don't forget to play. Try to rediscover the pure delight of playing a game, acting childish in the snow, watching a silly movie, dragging her onto the dance floor, and so on.


Let Go and Give it to a Higher Power
When you have a disagreement, sometimes it's best to just let it go and let the universe deal with it. Instead of bickering or getting angry, see if you can let the small things go by. Every partnership has conflict. Conflict is not what makes couples unhappy, but it's the way they deal with it that brings stress into the relationship. Figure out which issues are really important to deal with--for example, those involving kids, money, and division of labor are usually the top three--and then let some of the smaller stuff go.

Find a Healthy Way to Communicate
The happy couples from my long-term study of marriage all said that good communication skills were what kept them together and thriving. This means not only asking your partner what he or she needs, but telling your partner what you need. It means checking in regularly to find out what stressors are rearing their ugly head in your partner's life, and it means learning how to fight fair--no name calling, shaming, or kitchen sinking (bringing up everything that's bothered you for the last year).

How to Let Go of Past Loves

http://www.beliefnet.com

12 Ways to Let Go of Past Loves 
 Come unstuck with these techniques and discover yourself, happy and free.
By Laura Oliver

At a recent dinner with five friends, my friend Julie mentioned that she had been unable to stop thinking about a former boyfriend she hadn’t seen in years. In fact, she confessed, she thinks about him every day.

As she glanced helplessly around the table not one person appeared surprised. By the time dessert was served, every woman present admitted a persistent emotional attachment to a former relationship. Most surprising? Every woman at the table was happily married!

If you are stuck in an emotional tie that no longer serves you, it’s time to set yourself free. Here are 12 fool-proof ways to enjoy the present and release your past.

Learn how to move on now.
 
Get Real About What Was 
 According to Harville Hendrix, we are most magnetically attracted to people who embody the characteristics of our parents or early caretakers because we unwittingly seek in a partner someone who will re-injure our childhood wounds. Our adult selves can finally heal those wounds, but the more negative those characteristics are (from critical and controlling to charmingly irresponsible) the more intense the attraction we feel.

We can get relief from our nostalgia for a passionate love by remembering the intensity of the memory does not hold some great truth about the relationship’s sacredness. Remember, what fueled the attraction may not have been love, but your soul’s desire to heal the past.
 

Purge the Merge-Urge Subliminally, people in love promise they will meet all of each other’s needs while having none of their own. (Like mommy did!) Listen to the language of lovers and you will hear the echoes of that infantile bliss: “Baby, Sweetie, Honey, Darling.” We long for the feeling of fullness again, of merged egos. Getting free means understanding that the completeness you felt with your past love echoed a memory from infancy. It was an illusion and temporary and in reality it was not love.

Had the relationship continued, you would have seen boundaries snap back in place with the inevitable reestablishment of reality. No one would have made you feel that high forever.

Are You Romanticizing?
Brain scientists now recognize that nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief.” According Rob Stein of the Washington Post, “One of the hallmarks of complicated grief is a persistent sense of longing for the lost one and a tendency to conjure up reveries of that person.”

The persistence of a romanticized memory contains an addictive element but the element is not in the former relationship, it’s in you. For the 20 percent of us that stuck-ness has a biological source, an actual difference in brain processing. It can help to know the connection you still feel may be more biological than spiritual in origin.

So trade in your rose-colored glasses. Chances are you are romanticizing weaknesses as strengths. Was he self-employed because of his independence or his inability to accept authority? A realistic assessment is empowering. Keep a cheat sheet of unflattering truths and refer to it when you slip into dewy daydreams. It is easier to let go of a human than a hero.

There’s No Such Thing As One and Only
Repeat this 20 times. Ask yourself whether deep down you believe that remembering the relationship preserves it in some way. Embrace the reality that longing does not connect you and write a new belief code, such as: “I have never left a relationship that would have made me happier than I am now.” “This is a person of great worth, but not to me.”

Each of us probably has 10,000 people we could feel a similar connection to---don’t mythologize as “one and only” someone who actually might have been unremarkable.

This Is Me, Free!
Visualize yourself as free without requiring that you know how that will be accomplished. Just imagine you have already arrived at a place in the future where you are. Imagine yourself saying to a friend, “Oh my gosh, I haven’t thought about x in years!” Absorb how fantastic you’ll feel, how happy and energized, and say thank you for that.

Remember that visualization is not about vision. It’s about what you feel when you envision. Feel into your freedom and cement it with gratitude.

Your Brain Speaks Body Language
Your brain believes your body, sort of a reverse of the placebo affect. You begin to feel free of the past when you act free of the past! Don’t talk about the old relationship, don’t ritualize it, don’t note anniversaries, or send mental messages. Your brain will notice how healthy you are and deepen those neural networks until they become routine.

Turn to Creativity
One of the best balms for emotional wounds is creativity, which is different from staying busy. Doing something creative, whether it is writing, drawing, composing lyrics, changing your hairstyle, planting a garden, thinking of a great gift, or redecorating a room, connects you to yourself and a power greater than yourself. Doing something kind for someone else is also a good idea but let’s face it, you can brood the entire time you are doing a good deed. Creativity is deeply engaging. It fills you from the inside out.

Read it Right
Swap longing reverie for gratitude—by whatever means you can. A photo of your dog or cat. Photos of your kids, an upbeat song without a history to it. Something to look forward to—a ritual you enjoy. Try having a book on tape to stop the tape in your head. Books work better than music because they are intellectually captivating and pull you into the moment. Music can do the opposite, drop you right into the past.

Keep a tape in the car, which is a place we’re particularly vulnerable to romanticizing. The left- brain act of driving puts your “logic brain “ into neutral and gives your right brain a chance to wander down memory lane. Best book to get on tape? “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person” by Howard Halpern.

Tips for Reducing Stress in Your Life

http://www.beliefnet.com

You Don't Have to be Controlled by Stress

Stress—we have all felt it at one time or another. But, many people feel stress often. Some even feel it as a part of their daily lives.

Stress can contribute to numerous conditions, like coronary artery disease, stroke, immune disorders, gastrointestinal problems, eating problems, sleep disturbances, and sexual problems. Learning to reduce your stress can help you live happier, healthier, and maybe even longer.

Be Realistic

Do not take on everything; learn to say no. Set realistic goals for yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed, try eliminating an activity that is not absolutely necessary.
Ask yourself, "What really needs to be done? Is the deadline realistic?" No one is perfect, so do not expect perfection from yourself or others. And ask for help if you need it.

Meditate

It only takes about 10-20 minutes to get a benefit from meditating. These few moments of quiet reflection may bring relief from stress as well as increase your tolerance to it. And it is simple to do: sit quietly, listen to peaceful music, relax, and try and think of pleasant things or think of nothing.

Visualize

Take a moment to picture how you can manage a stressful situation more calmly and successfully.
This can work with just about anything, whether it is an important presentation at work or moving to a new place or taking an exam. A visual rehearsal can boost self-confidence and help you have a more positive attitude toward a difficult task.

Talk

Take a moment to picture how you can manage a stressful situation more calmly and successfully.
This can work with just about anything, whether it is an important presentation at work or moving to a new place or taking an exam. A visual rehearsal can boost self-confidence and help you have a more positive attitude toward a difficult task.

Give in Occasionally

You do not always have to be right. Be flexible. Be willing to compromise. If you do, others may meet you halfway.
If you know you are right, stand your ground, but be calm and rational. Make sure you listen and make allowances for other's opinions.

Slow Down

When you start to feel overwhelmed, try taking one task at a time. Make a list of things you need to do. Put the most urgent task at the top. Once you have accomplished it, cross it off and move on to the next one. The positive feeling of crossing things off can help keep you motivated.

Be Active

Regular exercise is a great way to reduce stress, and it benefits the body as well as the mind.

Hobbies

Take a break from the stressors of life and do something you really enjoy. Try gardening, painting, or reading. Schedule time to indulge your interests.

Practice a Healthy Lifestyle

Eating healthfully will make a difference. Avoiding things like smoking, excessive alcohol, and caffeine will help, as well.
Make sure you get adequate rest and exercise. Try to balance work and play.

Let Go of Perfection

When you expect too much from yourself or others, you may end up feeling frustrated, let down, and disappointed.
Remember that each person, including yourself, has shortcomings. But, you also have beautiful qualities to share with the world.

Give Him a Hand: 7 Manual Sex Secrets

http://www.ivillage.com

 Give Him a Hand: 7 Manual Sex Secrets

Want to be more confident when you, er, take matters into your own hands? These "manual sex" techniques (my editor won't let me say hand job) will make him want to give you a round of applause -- not to mention return the favor.

Pick Your Position
Are you left-handed or right-handed? Which is your "best" side? All too often, women try to deliver the goods in a position that feels uncomfortable or unnatural. You are allowed to move, you know! Simply roll over on top of him or straddle his lap, plant a long, slow, delicious kiss, then climb off to the side that suits you. Don't be scared to deviate from the usual side-by-side position either. Try him standing in front of you while you sit on the edge of a bed or lie on your back while he hovers above you straddling your tummy.

Use the Slippery Stuff
Women have (rather handy) built-in lubrication systems, but men don't. So when they masturbate, they use lubrication such as moisturizing lotion. A dry penis is a sensitive one; it likes gentle stroking. Sliding your hand up and down the shaft -- the standard male masturbation technique -- can feel more like a vicious yank than an erotic escapade when done without lube. Saliva is better than nothing, but clever girls come prepared with good-quality personal lubricant. He'll be pleased, not turned off, when he sees the tube, so don't feel remotely embarrassed squeezing some into your palm. But don't use too much; being too generous removes friction entirely.

Get a GripSexperts worldwide dispense the same advice on this one: Women need to be touched softer and slower; men need to be touched harder and faster. Lots of women make the mistake of being scared of his most prized part. Holding it between finger and thumb like it's made of spun glass isn't sexy -- it makes him think you don't really want to touch it. Instead, take a good, firm hold and move into a well-practiced, self-assured technique.

Practice Until You're a Pro
Simply read up about hand-job techniques, and you're liable to give up before you've even started -- it sounds like reinventing the Rubik's Cube! Try some moves out, however, and you soon realize it's more like connecting the dots. Keen to impress but don't want to look like a twit in front of your new lover? Practice on a prop, such as a curtain rod or a carrot. This is the basic motion you need to master: slide up, circle, slide down the other side. More specifically, grasp your hand firmly around the base of the penis, and slide it upward until it reaches the head. Once you're there, pause -- and rub your palm over the head in small, slow, sexy circles. Next, let your hand drop naturally down the other side of the penis, grasping the shaft until you're back to base camp again, but on the opposite side with your hand facing the opposite way. Do that 10 times, with each motion lasting 10 seconds, then add one quick, firm, up-and-down pump stroke. Repeat that cycle over and over, each time adding an extra up and down. But decrease the number of pumps if he's dangerously close to losing it (and you've got other plans on how to use that erection!).

Employ Backup
If you only use your hands, you risk having to dispense the longest hand job in the entire world due to over-stimulation. No matter how deft and clever your handiwork, most men enjoy (often need) extra stimulation to intensify and speed up the process of orgasm. So while one hand is working on his penis, use the other to cradle his testicles or stroke a nipple. Use your tongue on his testicles or nibble his neck, the inside of his thighs and his nipples. Try holding one hand in an L position firmly at the base of his penis, pulling the skin back from the base (in the direction of his pelvis). Not only does it make him look bigger, but it also heightens sensitivity.

 Use Props
If you and your guy are adventurous types (and even if you're not!), try using a small, cylindrical vibrator called a wand vibrator in addition to your hands. Hold it on his testicles or perineum (the smooth, hairless bit between his anus and testicles), or use it to play around the opening of his anus. Alternatively, grab a silk scarf or a strand of beads (make sure there aren't any rough edges first), wrap it around your hand or the shaft of his penis and slide it up and down the shaft and over the head.

Give Him the Finger
This one comes with a warning: Inserting a finger into his rectum during a hand job, usually just before orgasm, will either make him love you forever or decide you're completely crazy. How to find out his response ahead of time? Simply ask him if he'd like to try it, or start playing around the rim of his anus and gauge his reaction. If he seems nervous -- and you feel brave -- tell him he could be in for the orgasm of his life. Like the clitoris, the root of the penis extends a few inches into his body. Stimulating the perineum or anus massages the inner section -- but the true pleasure spot lies about three inches in. This is the prostate gland -- nicknamed the male G-spot. To find it (and map its position for future reference), get him to lie on his back as you gently insert your very well lubricated index finger, palm up, about three-quarters of the way in. Aim toward his navel, then curve your finger in a "come here" gesture.


 

Never Give Up: Quotes to Motivate You

 http://www.beliefnet.com

Get Moving and Stay Encouraged

Sometimes your dreams feel outside of your grasp. It's easy to throw in the towel. It almost seems like the sensible thing to do is quit.

However, don't give up! Read these inspirational quotes to re-energize your quest towards your hopes and dreams.

Choose Hope 
"Once you choose hope, anything's possible." - Christopher Reeve 

Keep Trying
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." - Dale Carnegie 

You Can Do It
"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." - John Wooden

Hope and Confidence
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." - Helen Keller

Hang On
"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

Keep Going
"It's always too early to quit." - Norman Vincent Peal

Be Optimistic
"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill

Give Life Your All
"I can't imagine a person becoming a success who doesn't give this game of life everything he's got." - Walter Cronkite

Possibilities
"I see possibilities in everything. For everything that's taken away, something of greater value has been given." - Michael J. Fox

Your Future
"Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you." - Frank Tyger