What Guys Really Mean: Hidden Meanings Behind What They Say

http://www.ivillage.com

An at-a-glance guide to his love talk: A slew of research has established that men and women use language in different ways. For women, talk is the glue that holds relationships together. To men, conversation is a means, not an end. They don't even like talking to each other that much -- two guys can watch a game in silence for four hours and walk away feeling they've bonded. When men do use words, it's primarily doublespeak to stay on top. Here's how to make sense of the favorite phrases he uses for different stages of your union:

What He Says When He Wants Sex 
He says: This is our third date, isn't it?
He says: Is it warm out or just me?
He says: What time do you go to work in the morning?
He says: You think it's true what they say about oysters?
He means: I WANT SEX!

He says (in the middle of a great orgasm): I love you.
He means: I love that incredible thing you are doing with your finger/tongue/body right now.

He says (immediately after making love): It'll be great to show you the house I grew up in (or anything else that smacks of the future).
He means: Are you thinking about your ex and how much better he was than me?

He says: We haven't spoken for ages and I've been thinking about you.
He means: I haven't gotten laid in almost three months.

He says: I'm not looking to get serious.
He means: I just want a little nookie.

He says: How many guys have you been with?
He means: I'm the best, right?

 What He Says When He's Serious
He says: I really like you.
He means: I think I am falling in love but if I say that word, there is no going back.

He says (in the middle of a date): It'll be great to show you the house I grew up in (or anything else that smacks of the future).
He means: See Above

He says: "Girlfriend" and he's not doing a Ru Paul imitation.
He means: You've made him breakfast, he fixed your car and his buddies aren't allowed to come on to you.

He says: Nothing's wrong. I'm fine.
He means: God, I know you want to talk about my day and all my interrelationships with my colleagues and boss and the guy who drives my bus, but I am at home now and I just want to drink 10 beers, eat a bag of chips for dinner and zone out.

He says: Maybe we need to slow down.
He means: Maybe you need to slow down.

He says: I don't know what I want.
He means: I don't want you.

He says: I need some space.
He means: I'm about this close to dumping you but I haven't worked up the nerve yet.

He says: You're an amazing woman.
He means: You're an amazing woman.

He says: I love you.
He means: You make me incredibly happy whenever we are together. I think you may be The One.

What He Hears When You Speak
Men don't always hear everything you're saying, which means he's not always getting your message.

You say (after being introduced): Do you know this band?
He hears: I want you now.

You say: What do you do?
He hears: Are you making enough money to make you marriage material?

You say: My ex is a crazy stalker who won't stop calling me. He scares me.
He hears: I'm still in love with my ex.

You say: What are we doing Saturday night?
He hears: I want all your time for the rest of your life.

You say (after making love): That was really nice.
He hears: That was the best sex of my life. Let's do it again!

 Top Lies He'll Tell You
Be wary, if he says any of the following to you:
-- But I tried to call.
-- I didn't get the message.
-- I didn't notice what she looked like.
-- Sex isn't the most important thing.
-- I'll be careful.
-- We'll talk about it later.
-- I'm not mad.
-- I could fall in love with you in a minute. (Wait a minute and ask him how he feels now.)

Learning to Talk Just Like Him
How to talk to a man so he understands you: Men can only take directions one at a time. So, if you want him to go into the kitchen and get you a cup of tea, make it a two-part request (this also applies to when you are in bed with him).

When men bother to use words, it's to inspire action (whereas women communicate to bond). So if a guy insults another guy, he automatically thinks he wants to fight. And if you say you like his shirt, he thinks, "Cool -- she wants to jump my bones!"

 Why He Bottles It Up
University of Houston psychologists investigating why men keep things bottled up found it was to maintain power in a relationship -- when they don't talk, their partner is left guessing. You do the same and he'll be putty in your hands.

Men don't want to talk about the relationship. They just want to do it (in his mind, if he didn't love you, he'd leave). Here's how he thinks: "If we need to talk about the relationship, it must be broken. If it's broken, it means it's doomed. I'm outta here."

A man will say, "I'm fine," even when being tortured by Zulu warriors. It's in his nature not to reveal weakness because that betrays vulnerability, which comes off as lack of status, according to research by evolutionary psychologist David Buss. In short, he's worried you'll think he's a weed if he can't solve his problems without his Superwoman girlfriend coming to his aid.


How to Know He Loves You
There are certain words his tongue seems to trip over -- like "girlfriend," "love" and "commitment." But since men are action-driven, it's really more important what he does than what he says.You know your man really loves you if he:
-- Lets you drive his car (especially his new SUV).
-- Assumes you're spending the weekend together.
-- Introduces you to his friends.
-- Stops wearing his "If you're not wasted, the day is" T-shirt, because he knows you hate it.
-- Calls for absolutely no reason.
-- Wants to talk after sex.

Things He Never Wants to Hear
Here's what he really doesn't want to hear from you (and probably won't hear anyway):

Honey, we have to talk.
No, YOU have to talk -- and talk and talk and talk.

What are you thinking about?
His feelings, like his answers, will be simple. So if you are lying in postcoital comfort and he answers, "Pizza," he really means he is thinking about pizza and not that you have skin that resembles pizza or you look like you've eaten one too many pies in your life.

Do you think that girl is pretty?
He thinks that if he even hesitates to say no, it will kill his chances of sex that night -- or any other night.

I want to get married.
He already assumes this is what you want, he just doesn't want to hear it. So you only have to notify him if this is NOT the case.

How do I look -- honestly?
Honestly, you look wonderful to him. That's why he's with you









 

5 Ways to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You

www.fashioncentral.in

   http://www.ivillage.com

Is It Manipulative or Smart Strategy?
Some people will read this and think what I'm suggesting is wrong. I admit it's about manipulating and meddling with people's emotions. Most particularly, people you wish to God would meddle with you. In an ideal world, I'd agree. It would be preferable if everyone you wanted just fell in your lap, without having to play games. Unfortunately, real life doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you can spend six months living, breathing, dripping, drooling, loving and lusting after someone with zero result. When that happens the techniques that follow suddenly seem like a gift from heaven. Besides, it's not like I'm proposing black magic or suggesting any of these techniques will force someone to fall in love with you against their will. (If they did, I'd currently be shacked up with Brad Pitt.) What they will do, though, is nudge the odds a lot higher in your favor. Is that really so bad? I don't think so. Go on, keep reading. You know you want to...

Hang Around a Lot... but Then Be Unavailable
The more you interact positively with someone, the more they'll like you, says David Lieberman, an expert in human behavior. And several studies back him up -- showing repeated exposure to practically any stimulus makes us like it more (as long as our initial reaction wasn't negative). So forget about being aloof, evasive and unavailable in the beginning. Instead, find excuses to spend time with him. Now, pay attention, because this is the tricky part. Just when you're convinced you've won him over and he likes you, start being a little less available. And then even less, until he hardly sees you at all. You've now effectively instigated the "law of scarcity." We all know this one: People want what they can't have. By constantly being available, you diminish your value. If every time you walked outside your front door there was a huge pile of diamonds to step over, you'd hardly see them as precious would you? Be around and then not around for awhile and you'll give him time to think about how much he likes and wants you.

Don't Do Nice Things for Them -- Let Them Do Nice Things for You
If you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good on two levels: You feel pleased with yourself and extra-warm toward the person you've just spoiled. The end result is we like the person more. When someone does something nice for us, we're pleased. But there are a whole lot of other emotions that come into play -- and they're not all good. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed. There's pressure to live up to being the wonderful person who inspired such a gift/act, not to mention pressure to return the favor. It's even trickier if the "nice thing" comes from someone you like, but aren't entirely sure about just yet. Got the point? When we're infatuated with someone, we're desperate to do nice things for him, but you're much better off letting him spoil you.

Give Them the Eye
In an effort to measure love scientifically, Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin began recording the amount of time lovers spent staring at each other. He discovered that couples who are deeply in love look at each other 75 percent of the time when talking and are slower to look away when someone else intrudes. (In normal conversation, people look at each other between 30-60 percent of the time.) The significance of what's now known as Rubin's Scale: It's possible to tell how "in love" people are by measuring the amount of time they spend gazing adoringly at one another. Look at someone 75 percent of the time when they're talking to you, and you may be able to trick their brain. Why? The brain knows the last time that someone looked at them for that long and often, it meant they were in love. So it thinks okay, I'm obviously in love with this person as well, and starts to release phenylethylamine (PEA), a chemical cousin to amphetamines secreted by the nervous system when we first fall in love. It’s what makes our palms sweat, our tummies flip over and our hearts race.

Don't Look Away
There was another crucial finding from Rubin's research: Couples took longer to look away when someone else joined the conversation. Again, if you do this to someone who's not in love with you (yet), you trick his brain into thinking he is, and even more PEA floods into his bloodstream. Relationships expert Leil Lownes calls this technique making "toffee eyes." Simply lock eyes with the person you like and keep them there, even when he has finished talking or someone else joins the conversation. When you eventually do drag your eyes away (three or four seconds later), do it slowly and reluctantly -- as though they're attached by warm toffee. This technique may not sound terribly inspired but, believe me, if done properly it can literally take your breath away. If you're too shy to gaze openly, skip the toffee and think bouncing ball. Look away and at the other person who's joined the conversation, but every time they finish a sentence, let your eyes bounce back to the person you're interested in. This is a checking in gesture -- you're checking his reaction to what the speaker is saying -- and it lets him know you're more interested in him than the other person.

Practice “Pupillometrics”
We all know "bedroom eyes" when we see them. But what makes that look of lust so appealing? According to pupillometrics, the science of pupil study, big pupils are the crucial element we respond to. You can't consciously control them, but you can create the right conditions to make your pupils bigger. First, reduce light. Our pupils expand when they're robbed of it -- one reason why candlelight and dimmer switches are de rigueur in romantic restaurants. It's not just the softer light that makes our faces appear more attractive, larger pupils also help. In a University of Chicago study, researchers showed two sets of pictures of a woman's face to a group of men. The photographs were identical, except for one thing: The pupils in one were doctored to make them look larger. When shown the doctored photograph, men judged the same woman twice as attractive. There were similar results when sets of photos of a man's face was shown to women. Our pupils also enlarge when we look at something we like. So if you're really attracted to someone, your pupils are probably already big, black holes. But if you want to ensure it's happening, focus on one of the person's attributes you like most.

http://www.ivillage.com