Here are ways to find a new love

posted by: Tom Blake
thirdage.com

You've decided to date again, but your skills are a little rusty. Plus, you've been told the traditional ways of finding love don't work. So what's a woman to do? Follow these 12 tips and suggestions to get your dating game going.


1. Sitting at home doesn't hack it. Get out and about. It doesn't matter where you go -- just commit to getting out.


2. Seize every opportunity. Always carry name cards printed with your telephone number. Hand them out to dating prospects, anywhere you see them. Make eye contact, and mention you'd like to hear from them.


3. Network relentlessly. Networking is the most effective date-finding tool. Ask your friends and acquaintances if they know of someone nice for you. Have them ask their friends.


4. Let him call you. If he says, "Call me," don't. His fingers are as capable as yours at dialing. If he's interested and has your number, he'll call.


5. Think creatively. Single men go to singles dances, but so do a million women. You'd be better off at a large home improvement store where lots of men wander the aisles. With a straight face and a smile, ask a single-looking guy something like, "Is this a left-handed screwdriver?"Computer stores and sporting goods outlets also have favorable men-to-women ratios. Avoid hanging out around race car crews, however...the men might be too fast!


6. Golf, anyone? Single men golf. Take up the game by starting off at a driving range. If a man offers some pointers, accept them graciously and give him your name card. If he's married, ask him to introduce you to his single friends and work on improving your game so you can advance to the golf course.


7. Attend youth sports games on Saturday mornings. You'll find divorced dads and widower grandpas there. Blend in along the sidelines. Compliment how his son or grandson played and, of course, hand over a copy of your name card.


8. Learn to use a computer. Millions of singles meet on the Internet, reaching out to each other all over America (and all over the world). For all of the Internet horror stories, there are many successes, and you just might find a local dating group.


9. Exercise daily. Not only does exercise help you look and feel better, but it puts you out among other people. Join or start a co-ed walking or jogging group. Join a health club where tons of single guys pump iron, and, while you're there, ask if you're using correct form.


10. Travel. Planes, trains or automobiles? The train is best for meeting other singles, since you can move around and don't have to wear a seat belt. Start a conversation and ask to meet up at meals or ask a single gentleman in the dining car if you may join him.


11. Single men like sandwich shops and car washes.Comment on their roast beef sandwich or their sparkling car. You'll get a conversation going.


12. Trust your instincts. If you have a bad gut-feeling about a man, you're probably right. Avoid him.


By thinking creatively, acting friendly and taking the initiative, you'll improve your chances of meeting men. Remember, dating is a numbers game: number four might be your guy, or you might not strike gold till number 26. Don't give up, and most of all, have fun.

Tom Blake is the author of Middle Aged and Dating Again (Tooter's, 1997) and host of the Thirdage Dating After 50 discussion.

Life Inspiration Quote

this quote from: beliefnet.com

Love and time: those are the only two things in all the world and all of life that cannot be bought, but only spent.

-Gary Jennings

Pick a Good Partner

10 Tips to Help You Pick a Good Partner

Tips for making good choices about dating, relating and mating.

Published on October 21, 2011 by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. in Emotional Fitness

Some people have what I have come to call "broken pickers." They just can't seem to pick good partners for themselves. If this is something you're dealing with, here are some tips for making good choices when it comes to dating and mating.
1. People will tell you exactly who they are; it's up to you to listen. If someone says they're usually in a bad mood or don't know how to be monogamous, hear what they are saying and don't think you can change them.
2. Take a test drive. Go for an eight-hour drive with your intended. Whatever difficulties you may have will make themselves painfully obvious. This test is not for the faint of heart or for those with heart conditions.
3. Look for someone who is kind and loving. If you're really lucky, your partner will also have a family who taught him or her how to be that way. Having in-laws who treat you like a member of the family will make your life much nicer.

4. Make sure the person you're seeing doesn't smoke, even if you do. If he or she is a nonsmoker, it may get you to stop. Think of it this way: you're choosing happiness over death.
5. Find someone you can talk to. As time passes, this quality is more important than looks, money, or position. If you can't talk to your partner or cry on his or her shoulder, it's not going to be a good match.
6. Make sure you have the basics in common. For example, if one of you wants children and the other doesn't, it's a deal breaker. Spiritual and political differences can also be difficult to deal with. As we age, our feelings in these areas tend to intensify.7. Make sure that you have enough differences that, if you are unable to go out, you can still entertain each other. If someone is just like you, it might get a little boring as time goes by.
8. Physical compatibility has more to do with touch than it does with sex. If you're a tactile person, you need to be with someone who shares that desire. People's desire for sex changes over a lifetime, but our need for touch remains fairly constant.
9. Beware of people who want to get married immediately.Engagements were created for a reason. They used to call them "handfasts," and they lasted for a year and a day. Things move much quicker these days, but it's wise to know someone for at least six months before getting engaged.
10. Find someone who makes you laugh. A sense of humor can help you overcome many of life's obstacles. If someone can make you smile when you don't feel like it, that's a great quality.
There are no guarantees in life. It isn't possible to be absolutely sure about anyone. Take your time; listen to your friends and to your intuition. Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art form.

Article from: http://www.psychologytoday.com

The Best Marriage Advice You've Ever Heard

Tips to Make Your Marriage Better

Our readers and fans share their favorite advice for making marriage stronger and happier.

Is there something your mother once told you that stayed with you forever? Did a gal pal once set you straight about love? Or did a television talk show host give you insights that you’ve been able to use in your life? As part of our “Lessons for Living” series, we’ve asked our readers and fans to share the best marriage advice they have ever received. Read on for 18 tips that have changes the lives of married couples.

Respect, Trust, and Love

Respect, Trust, and Love; My husband and I followed these steps, and been happily married for 18 years!

-Elva Martinez Sandoval

Be Open to Change

The best advice I have received is to be open to change and allow your love for one another to expand and grow. It gives for an exciting ride!

-Stacey Williams-Haremski

Neither Of You Are Perfect

Treat your spouse with the loving kindness you expect to receive then do a bit more. Understand that you are not perfect and don't expect them to be.

-Helen Mikus

Be Supportive

It is very important for both of you to be supportive of the other one's ideas, goals. Stand beside them even though sometimes you may disagree with the other one. Keep the lines of communication open, for if you don't, your partner will not let you know what is going on. If you shut them out, they feel unwanted. Let them know that you are there for them and that you love them in spite of themselves.

-Ann Taylor Johnson

Stand By Each Other and Listen

Understand that your spouse is a person with needs, wants and desires that probably differ from your own. Support your spouse (even if you think they're wrong) in public and discuss differences in private. Take every opportunity to say, "I love you"...and mean it. Finally, listen!

-Bert

Share The Same Values

Find someone who values the same things in life that you do. Opposites attract, but like things stick together.

-Gail Ramsdell

You Choose to Love

You wake up every day and make the decision to love that person. It doesn't just happen, you make the choice.

-Mary Koran Keaton

Pray Together

Pray aloud together every day, there's no better way to learn what's truly on a person's heart and mind than to hear what they're talking to God about.

-Beth Montgomery

Keep The Fire Burning

You have to keep the flame burning, the flames won't fan themselves!

-Diane Huff

Don't Focus On Faults

When you see faults in your spouse it’s best to look for yours also. Or stop looking for faults in your spouse or you may realize he is looking at yours too.

-Diane Duncan

Give It Your All

Marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100. You need to give whole heartedly to each other and everything will work out. Trust in god and your partner.

-Nicole Harriman-hill

Be Best Friends

You must be best friends, too. I can go to my other half and not worry about being put down no matter what. If I make a mistake or he does, we work it out by talking.

-Ann Taylor Johnson

Take Responsibility For Your Self

Understand that everything you ask your partner to give you can only be found inside yourself. Be responsible for you and let your partner be responsible by him/herself. Live together but not depend upon each other.

-Daniela Vianello

Trust, Honesty, Kindness, and Forgiveness

Lots of trust, honesty, kindness, and forgiveness.

-Gina Gregson

"You're Right About That"

The best marriage advice I've ever received is from a lecture by Dr. Wayne Dyer my wife and I attended, "You're Right About That". My wife and I have a lot of fun now with this short statement. It's gotten so we know that when the other one says this that they are really saying, "you're wrong, but I love you enough to pretend you're right!" We laugh together when one of us uses this line. It's a great attitude.

- Scott

Don't Try to Change Your Partner

Do not enter into marriage hoping to change the other person!

-Stephanie Worrall

He Is The Company He Keeps

"Birds of a feather flock together". Be sure you like his siblings, parents and his friends before you marry. Like it or not, these people are with you all your married life. Look at them and you see what he is made of.

-Jeanie

Show Lots of Affection

This may sound weird but, treat your spouse like you treat your pet. Give plenty of hugs and kisses, praise them, and pet them for no reason. When you wake up tell them you love them. When you go away and return, be excited to see them. In the middle of a heated argument that's going nowhere just stop and give your spouse a big kiss this takes the ...edge off and both either laugh or hopefully can talk it out without a scream fest.

-Debbie Tomlin Wilson

Article from: www.beliefnet.com

7 Risky Questions Every Wife Needs to Ask

What's it like to be married to me?
Author Linda Dillow talks about the seven risky questions every wife should ask herself from her new book, "What's It Like to be Married to Me?"

A wife and especially a wife who is also a Mom, lives her life scattered and segmented. She sighs: "I never think about my marriage.  My life is a treadmill, and I can’t stop running and think.  I just move from one area of need to another.  My children and job scream louder than my husband, so he gets the leftovers of me." (married 14 years)

Believe me, I understand.  I had three children in three years, adopted a fourth when he was a teen, and had teenagers ages 13, 14,15 and 17.  I can still feel that overwhelming scatteredness that made my head spin.

When life is wild, we don’t stop and think about our priorities.  We don’t think about what is really important.  We don’t take time to look at God’s Word and call out to Him, “Search my heart, O God!”
 
I realized I couldn’t wait until life slowed down to think about my marriage ….I had to do it now.  So I got brave and asked myself risky questions like, "What is it like to be married to me?" God met me in the middle of the questions.  Will you be brave and ask risky questions?


What is REALLY important to me?

“I work a stressful job and come home to kids, cooking, laundry, and a husband with needs.  Everyone at home and work wants a piece of me.”  Another wife said it like this:  “I never think about my marriage.  My life is a treadmill, and I can’t stop running and think.”
 
Do you realize that your choices reveal what is important to you?  When I had three little ones, I realized that my choices must say that my husband is my first priority of all the people on earth. I could push my relationship with my husband off until life got easier but I decided that normal life means hectic, normal means time is at a premium, that time as a couple is hard to come by. I knew that I could live my marriage by default or by design. It was my choice.
 
I’m so grateful that when the kids were little, I stopped to think about my marriage and chose to have a marriage by design. Now, in the empty nest, we are reaping the benefits!


What does it feel like to be my husband?
“I criticize my husband on a daily basis." (married 17 years)

“I take my husband for granted.  He gets the worst part of me on my bad days and what’s left of me most days." (married 34 years)

Are these husband comments typical?  I’m sorry to say they are.  Solomon described many wives when he said, “A nagging wife is like a dripping rain drop.  Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.” (Proverbs 27:15-16)

God says our griping, grumbling, nagging and venting attitude is wrong and when a husband feels criticized, and nagged the marriage is sliding down a slippery slope.  But there is hope!  Tell your gripes to God and not to your husband (Psalm 142:1-3) and put on a no-griping bracelet.  What is that?  Any bracelet you put on your right wrist and change to the left when you gripe.  Then you move it back when you grumble again.  This exercise helps us as wives to be aware of what is coming out of our mouths.  I promise you will learn and understanding is the first step to change!


Am I willing to change my attitude?
The most important prayer in the world is just two words long:  “Thank you.”  We wives need an attitude change.  Griping goes out, gratitude comes in!  Wouldn’t you rather be known as a thankful wife instead of a griping, grumbling, venting one?  I would.  So I went on a hunt to discover ways to grow in gratitude.

First, I wanted to grow in God Gratitude.  I burned Psalm 92:1-2 into my mind and heart.  “It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; to declare Your loving-kindness in the morning and Your faithfulness by night.”  Before I got out of bed in the morning, I thanked God for His unfailing love to me.  At night I thanked Him specifically for His faithfulness to me throughout that day.  I got excited about thanking God every morning and night.

Second, I wanted to grow in Husband Gratitude.  I bought myself a “Thankful Journal” and once a week I wrote what I was thankful for in this man I live with.  As I wrote down my “thankfuls,” I was surprised how long the list grew.    As my list grew, so did my heart of gratitude.  My attitude changed.  Yours can too!


What will it take for me to get close to you?
I’m going to tell you a secret: men and women are different!  I somehow don’t think you’re shocked.  Can a wife really get close to this husband who is so different from her?  Absolutely.  It begins with understanding his “gap.”  God says both husbands and wives have gaps and their gaps are not the same.  A wife has a “love gap” and a husband has a “respect gap.”  And God’s plan is to fill your husband’s “respect gap” through you, by your words of encouragement and admiration.

The Message renders Ephesians 4:29 like this:  “Say only what helps, each word a gift.”  Can you imagine how your husband would feel if each word you spoke to him was a gift?  I see emotional intimacy as entering into each other's life and hearing not just the words but the heart.  And then opening your mouth and pouring courage into the one you love.  It is as if you come alongside your husband on his journey through life and speak words to encourage him when life is tough.  You choose words that build him up and tell him, “I respect the man you are becoming!”


What is it like to make love with me?
Does any wife want to ask this question?  How would your husband answer?  For the past twelve years, I’ve traveled around the world teaching Christian women about the joys of sexual intimacy.  I’m sad to report that many wives are afraid of sex, disappointed in sexual intimacy, hindered by guilt over their wrong choices or confused over what a godly and sensuous wife looks like.

God is for sex!  He longs for every wife to revel in the beauty, the holiness, the joy of intimate oneness and pleasure.  Read Proverbs 5: 15-19.  What do you see in these verses?  I see pleasure.  I see delight.  I see fun. I see freedom, abandonment, intoxication and ecstasy.  This is what God wants for me and for you!

I remember talking to Sadie, a precious young woman who had suffered horrible sexual abuse.  She described her intimacy with her husband as “tolerable.”  Her counselor and friends said it was amazing with her background that it was even tolerable.  I remember the day Sadie said to me, “I’m going to trust God to take us beyond 'tolerable.'"  And God did more than Sadie imagined possible.  Today joy and delight describe their sexual relationship.  Our God is a God who heals!  I pray joy and delight will be your words too!


Why do I want to stay mad at you?
“I want to stay mad because you are clearly in the wrong and I’m not.  If I give up being mad, then it’s like I’m lying down and giving up—saying that you’re right.  I want to stay mad because then I have more ammunition stored up for the day I get to explode.  Is this right?  No!  But it’s so hard to let it go and give it up to the Father.” This honest woman is right, it isn’t right to hold on to my 'mad' at my husband.  Sure, it feels good….for a moment. But it builds bitterness and hardness between us.  God has some good reasons for us to give up our 'mad.'

Forgiving kicks Satan out!
The apostle Paul encourages us to forgive so that Satan will not outsmart us.  (2 Cor. 2:11)  Outsmarted by the Evil One?  No thank you!  I don’t like the picture of my adversary, Satan, squealing with delight because I’ve chosen to hold a grudge.  Kick Satan out!  Don’t let him win!


Is it possible to grow together when things fall apart?

Life is full of problems.  In a marriage, a crisis presents the potential for one of two things:

1. Danger that the crisis will tear us apart and destroy our oneness
2. Opportunity that the crisis will push us together and deepen our oneness

The way to grow together when problems assault you is to apply God’s Word to your crisis.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5,6)  There are three things in these verses that you are to do:  Trust with all YOUR heart, don’t lean on YOUR own understanding, Acknowledge God in all YOUR ways. If those three things happen then HE will smooth out the rough places in your life and marriage.  Will you pray this dangerous prayer?


My Father, teach me how to trust You.  I want crisis to bring my husband and me closer together.  I’m up when things are good and down when they’re bad.  I long for us to grow closer together in the hard times.  Please help me!


Read more: www.beliefnet.com