What Guys Really Mean: Hidden Meanings Behind What They Say

http://www.ivillage.com

An at-a-glance guide to his love talk: A slew of research has established that men and women use language in different ways. For women, talk is the glue that holds relationships together. To men, conversation is a means, not an end. They don't even like talking to each other that much -- two guys can watch a game in silence for four hours and walk away feeling they've bonded. When men do use words, it's primarily doublespeak to stay on top. Here's how to make sense of the favorite phrases he uses for different stages of your union:

What He Says When He Wants Sex 
He says: This is our third date, isn't it?
He says: Is it warm out or just me?
He says: What time do you go to work in the morning?
He says: You think it's true what they say about oysters?
He means: I WANT SEX!

He says (in the middle of a great orgasm): I love you.
He means: I love that incredible thing you are doing with your finger/tongue/body right now.

He says (immediately after making love): It'll be great to show you the house I grew up in (or anything else that smacks of the future).
He means: Are you thinking about your ex and how much better he was than me?

He says: We haven't spoken for ages and I've been thinking about you.
He means: I haven't gotten laid in almost three months.

He says: I'm not looking to get serious.
He means: I just want a little nookie.

He says: How many guys have you been with?
He means: I'm the best, right?

 What He Says When He's Serious
He says: I really like you.
He means: I think I am falling in love but if I say that word, there is no going back.

He says (in the middle of a date): It'll be great to show you the house I grew up in (or anything else that smacks of the future).
He means: See Above

He says: "Girlfriend" and he's not doing a Ru Paul imitation.
He means: You've made him breakfast, he fixed your car and his buddies aren't allowed to come on to you.

He says: Nothing's wrong. I'm fine.
He means: God, I know you want to talk about my day and all my interrelationships with my colleagues and boss and the guy who drives my bus, but I am at home now and I just want to drink 10 beers, eat a bag of chips for dinner and zone out.

He says: Maybe we need to slow down.
He means: Maybe you need to slow down.

He says: I don't know what I want.
He means: I don't want you.

He says: I need some space.
He means: I'm about this close to dumping you but I haven't worked up the nerve yet.

He says: You're an amazing woman.
He means: You're an amazing woman.

He says: I love you.
He means: You make me incredibly happy whenever we are together. I think you may be The One.

What He Hears When You Speak
Men don't always hear everything you're saying, which means he's not always getting your message.

You say (after being introduced): Do you know this band?
He hears: I want you now.

You say: What do you do?
He hears: Are you making enough money to make you marriage material?

You say: My ex is a crazy stalker who won't stop calling me. He scares me.
He hears: I'm still in love with my ex.

You say: What are we doing Saturday night?
He hears: I want all your time for the rest of your life.

You say (after making love): That was really nice.
He hears: That was the best sex of my life. Let's do it again!

 Top Lies He'll Tell You
Be wary, if he says any of the following to you:
-- But I tried to call.
-- I didn't get the message.
-- I didn't notice what she looked like.
-- Sex isn't the most important thing.
-- I'll be careful.
-- We'll talk about it later.
-- I'm not mad.
-- I could fall in love with you in a minute. (Wait a minute and ask him how he feels now.)

Learning to Talk Just Like Him
How to talk to a man so he understands you: Men can only take directions one at a time. So, if you want him to go into the kitchen and get you a cup of tea, make it a two-part request (this also applies to when you are in bed with him).

When men bother to use words, it's to inspire action (whereas women communicate to bond). So if a guy insults another guy, he automatically thinks he wants to fight. And if you say you like his shirt, he thinks, "Cool -- she wants to jump my bones!"

 Why He Bottles It Up
University of Houston psychologists investigating why men keep things bottled up found it was to maintain power in a relationship -- when they don't talk, their partner is left guessing. You do the same and he'll be putty in your hands.

Men don't want to talk about the relationship. They just want to do it (in his mind, if he didn't love you, he'd leave). Here's how he thinks: "If we need to talk about the relationship, it must be broken. If it's broken, it means it's doomed. I'm outta here."

A man will say, "I'm fine," even when being tortured by Zulu warriors. It's in his nature not to reveal weakness because that betrays vulnerability, which comes off as lack of status, according to research by evolutionary psychologist David Buss. In short, he's worried you'll think he's a weed if he can't solve his problems without his Superwoman girlfriend coming to his aid.


How to Know He Loves You
There are certain words his tongue seems to trip over -- like "girlfriend," "love" and "commitment." But since men are action-driven, it's really more important what he does than what he says.You know your man really loves you if he:
-- Lets you drive his car (especially his new SUV).
-- Assumes you're spending the weekend together.
-- Introduces you to his friends.
-- Stops wearing his "If you're not wasted, the day is" T-shirt, because he knows you hate it.
-- Calls for absolutely no reason.
-- Wants to talk after sex.

Things He Never Wants to Hear
Here's what he really doesn't want to hear from you (and probably won't hear anyway):

Honey, we have to talk.
No, YOU have to talk -- and talk and talk and talk.

What are you thinking about?
His feelings, like his answers, will be simple. So if you are lying in postcoital comfort and he answers, "Pizza," he really means he is thinking about pizza and not that you have skin that resembles pizza or you look like you've eaten one too many pies in your life.

Do you think that girl is pretty?
He thinks that if he even hesitates to say no, it will kill his chances of sex that night -- or any other night.

I want to get married.
He already assumes this is what you want, he just doesn't want to hear it. So you only have to notify him if this is NOT the case.

How do I look -- honestly?
Honestly, you look wonderful to him. That's why he's with you









 

10 Lessons from Film on How to Live Your Dreams

http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Movies/2009/03/10-Law-of-Attraction-Lessons-in-Film.aspx?source=NEWSLETTER&nlsource=44&ppc=&utm_campaign=HealthHealing&utm_source=NL&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_term=gmail.c

By Brent Marchant 
Larry King and Oprah are talking about "conscious creation" and "the law of attraction" and movie audiences all over the world have learned from "The Secret" and "What the #$*! Do We (K)now!?" that through our thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, we create our own reality. In my new book, I analyzed films of all kinds from a conscious creation/law of attraction perspective and from them discovered I could apply certain principles to my own life.
 

We Each Write the Screenplay of Our Lives
Think of your life as a screenplay waiting to be written. You put your ideas down on paper, filling the pages with a storyline, characters, and dialogue until you have a completed script. But how does that narrative get made into a movie? That's where your collaborator, the director, comes in, transforming your abstract prose into a finished product. Life's like that, too. Through the practice of conscious creation (also known as the law of attraction), we partner up with the Divine to create the life we lead, based on our ideas, beliefs, and intents. You can see examples of this at work in "The Secret," "What the #$*! Do We (K)now!?" and "What Dreams May Come."

Pay Attention to What's on the Screen
Sleepwalking through life is like falling asleep at the show— you miss out on what's going on! So to get your money's worth out of your ticket price, watch the movie intently. In particular, pay close attention to your beliefs, because they shape how your personal story unfolds on the screen of life. Failure to do this may yield results you don't want or whose merits you don't readily recognize. To see what I mean, watch "Colossus: The Forbin Project," "Under the Tuscan Sun," or "The Turning Point."

Always Watch the Previews
Avid moviegoers agree that watching previews is time well spent. They show us what's coming up, even if they provide only a partial picture. Likewise, it's always a good idea to heed our intuitive impressions, because they give us valuable hints about what's going on in our lives and what lies ahead (provided we listen to them). When considered in conjunction with our intellect, these insights offer a powerful means for understanding and, if need be, altering our beliefs (which, in turn, affect the outcomes we experience). "Signs," "Forces of Nature," and "The Empire Strikes Back" illustrate this particularly well.

Check the Movie Listings Thoroughly
You don't have to watch a drama when you'd rather see a comedy; you have a choice. So why lock yourself into comparably inflexible beliefs about other areas of your life? Free will and the power of choice are cornerstones of conscious creation and the law of attraction, so exercise your capabilities in this area to the fullest. And if you make a "bad" decision, think of it as a learning experience— a choice you won't make again. Embrace the lessons of "Stardust Memories," "After Hours," and "Thelma & Louise."

Embrace Alternate Endings
If you watch a movie on DVD and don't like the way it turns out, check out the special features; chances are you'll get to see an alternate ending (and, one would hope, a conclusion that's more to your liking). The same is true in life: Change is always an option when a particular choice doesn't work out as hoped for. Finding a better way is a common theme in many films, including "The Truman Show," "Groundhog Day," "Zelig," and "The Purple Rose of Cairo."

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark; It's Just a Movie
The most engaging movies are those that boldly explore the unexpected. But dealing with such uncharted territory can be daunting, if not downright scary, because of the unfamiliarity involved. At the same time, the rewards that come from taking risks are often the greatest, both cinematically and in conscious creation. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Face your fears, and live heroically, for fortune favors the bold, as in "Defending Your Life," "An Unmarried Woman," "Vertigo," "Good Night, and Good Luck," and "Fearless."

Follow the Story from Beginning to End
Characters often change as their stories unfold on screen; by the end, they're seldom who they were at the beginning. This is because their beliefs about themselves and their lives evolve over time, allowing them to become who they envisioned themselves to be. We frequently do the same in our everyday existence, but to appreciate the impact of this, we must examine our personal evolution to see how we've grown. "Road trip" films explore this especially well, in such diverse pictures as "The Wizard of Oz," "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," and the original version of "Lost Horizon."

Every Line Has a Meaning
When a screenwriter composes a script, there are no unimportant lines. Similarly, when a director shoots a film, there are no unimportant scenes. Everything is integral, because everything is connected; remove a single thread, and the entire tapestry begins to unravel. So it is with conscious creation: When we create our reality, we create the totality of it, not just parts. That's why it's so important to pay attention to our beliefs, for they contribute to the materialization of all the interconnected aspects of our being. "Crash," "Grand Canyon," "American Beauty," and "Pay It Forward" showcase this idea well.

Play with Special Effects
Where would movies be today without all their high-tech wizardry? Special effects put the magic into so many of the films we watch. But there's no reason we can't work that same magic into our everyday lives, too. Developing special talents, such as psychic abilities and healing skills, or drawing from the wisdom of altered states of consciousness, such as dreams or meditative states, allow us to expand our range of beliefs about what truly is possible in life. Take inspiration from "Phenomenon," "Resurrection," "K-PAX," "The Lathe of Heaven," "Brainstorm," "Pleasantville," and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."

Lead an Epic Life
Living life to the fullest is something I'd like to hope we all aspire to. Leading an epic life— one in which we live up to our fullest potential for the benefit of both ourselves and others—is a goal certainly worth pursuing. Getting in tune with our beliefs, and then acting on them, is essential to success in this endeavor. Find out how by the examples set in "The Right Stuff," "Being There," "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan," and "It's a Wonderful Life." 



 

10 Celebrities Who Overcame Their Addictions

10 inspiring stories of celebrities who have taken control!

beliefnet.com

Celebrity addictions are a constant part of conversations and news stories. Whether it be Charlie Sheen or Amy Winehouse, if a celebrity is struggling with addiction you will certainly hear about it. There simply isn't enough talk about celebrities who have beaten their addictions. Here are 10 who have done just that!

1. Slash


Slash is one of the most recognizable figures in rock, and he was also one of the most prolific drug users. In 2001 the former Guns n' Roses guitarist was diagnosed with congestive heart failure as a result of drug use, and he decided to seek help. His addictions ran the gamut from heroin to alcohol, but with the help of his wife has been able to give it all up.


2. Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston may be most known for playing a clean cut character in Rachel Green, but Aniston fought addictions to smoking and caffeine all through her run on Friends. Aniston was a full-on chain smoker, and it took an intense detox in 2007 for her to give it up. Now Jennifer uses exercise and yoga to stay nicotine free, replacing cigarettes and caffeine with much healthier ways to relax.


3. Eric Clapton

Eric Clapton once spent $16,000 a week on heroin, giving away three years of his life to the dangerous drug. At his lone performance during the addiction he passed out and had to be revived on stage. It took The Who guitarist Pete Townsend, another former addict, to convince him that there was a better way to live. Clapton has taken his experience and used it for good by establishing the Crossroads center for drug and alcohol treatment.

4. Catherine Zeta Jones

Catherine Zeta Jones began smoking in her teen years and struggled to break the habit in adulthood. She received a wake-up call when the paparazzi snapped photos of her smoking while pregnant, sparking outcry amongst her fans and the media. Fearing that she would pass the habit onto her children, Jones then used them as a catalyst to quit.

5. Jon Stewart

The host of Comedy Central's The Daily Show began smoking at the age of 15 in order to fill a void in his life. According to Stewart, it simply made him feel better. The encouragement to finally quit came from the CGL Foundation, which Stewart is a huge supporter of. Smoke free since 2000, it is rumored that the host keeps a gumball machine near his desk just in case a craving hits.

6. Brian Welch


Brian Welch is one of the co-founders of platinum selling metal band Korn. At the height of their success he found himself embroiled in a world of money and drugs. He was addicted to alcohol, sleeping pills, and Xanax. But in 2005 Brian's life changed when he experienced a dramatic conversion to Christianity. He was baptized in the Jordan river and then sought solitude in order to cleanse himself of addiction. He credits God with his rehabilitation, and has been clean ever since his spiritual retreat in a hotel room. Since then he has been making Christian music and dedicating his life to helping others.

7. Oprah Winfrey

Oprah is known for her how she inspires those around here. As a result it was a shock when she admitted on her own show that she used crack cocaine in the '80s. While there is a lot of speculation on how long the addiction lasted, it is clear that she has moved past it. Knowing that Oprah once overcame drug addiction just makes her inspirational attitude all the more impressive.

8. Matt Damon

Matt Damon never had a second thought about his addiction, until he saw a picture of himself smoking and realized how awful it made him look. Disgusted, Damon underwent hypnotic therapy to undo what had been a habit of 20 years. Completely satisfied with his treatment, the actor even convinced good friend Ben Afleck to try hypnosis – and it worked for him too!

9. Eminem

While Eminem has maintained his bad boy image and continued his taste for controversy, he has grown out of one part of his life – drug use. Eminem has become sober recently through the help of unlikely ally Elton John. The two formed a friendship after working together in 2001, and Elton stepped in to help Eminem kick the drug habit. While fans doubted that he would be the same, his success has proved that his talent came from more than drugs.

10. Steven Tyler

The lead singer of Aerosmith and current American Idol judge has struggled with drug use since high school. His addiction resulted in struggles in class, difficulty coping with success, and many damaged relationships. In 1986 his bandmates convinced him to go to rehab, but after 22 sober years he relapsed on prescription drugs. He has since completed rehab again and has told his story in an autobiography. Now he seems to be very happy as a judge on American Idol, and the new found clean image seems to suit the aging rocker.

This Article from: www.beliefnet.com

Jack Canfields Top 8 Success Tips

1. Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life
One of the greatest myths in our culture today is that you are entitled to a great life--that somehow, somewhere, someone is responsible for filling your life with continual happiness, exciting career options, and blissful relationships. But the real truth is that there is only one person responsible for the quality of the life you live. That person is YOU.

2. Pursue Your Passion
I believe each of us is born with a life purpose. Identifying, acknowledging, and honoring this purpose is the most important action successful people take. They make the effort to understand what they're here to do--and then they pursue that with passion and enthusiasm.

3. Be Clear Why You're Here
One of the main reasons why most people don't get what they want is they haven't decided what they want. They haven't defined their desires in clear and compelling detail. What does success look like to you?

4. Believe It's Possible
Scientists used to believe that humans responded to information flowing into the brain from the outside world. But today they're learning instead that we respond to what the brain, based on previous experience, expects to happen next. In fact, the mind is such a powerful instrument, it can guide you to everything you want. But you have to believe that what you want is in fact possible.


5. Believe in Yourself
If you are going to be successful in creating the life of your dreams, you have to believe that you are capable of making it happen. Whether you call it self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-assurance, it is a deep-seated belief that you have what it takes--the abilities, inner resources, talents, and skills to create your desired results.

6. Act 'As If'
Start acting as if you already have everything you want. If you begin by creating an inner state of happiness and abundance, and then do the things you are inspired to do from that state of being, you will end up having what you ultimately desire. When you focus on being grateful for what you do have, you attract more abundance to your life. If you focus on what is missing, you will attract more lack.

7. Unleash the Power of Goal Setting
Experts on the science of success know the brain is a goal-seeking organism. Whatever goal you give to your subconscious mind, it will work day and night to achieve. To engage your subconscious mind, a goal has to be measurable. When there are no criteria for measurement, it remains simply a vague wish, a good idea. Write down specific goals, and your mind will make them happen.

8. Be of Service to Others
When your goal incorporates some aspect that contributes to the well-being of others, it accelerates the accomplishment of that goal. People you meet will want to be part of an endeavor that makes a difference, and they will assist you to achieve your dreams.

http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/2008/09/Jack-Canfields-Top-8-Success-Tips.aspx?p=10

How To Have An Awesome Life

Appreciate the Wonderment of Living
You’re alive. That in itself is a reason to rejoice each moment. You may have your rough days and your sad days, but as long as you are breathing you can access awe. When you get out of bed in the morning and put your feet on the floor, give thanks that you are part of a great adventure, an ever-expanding journey.


Get Your Day to Day Needs Met
Find a way to subsist, that is, put bread on your table and a shelter over your head, otherwise it will be very difficult to pause and appreciate the marvels of creation. If you are currently without these necessities, then go to a city or county-run assistance program to get back on your feet. It is a start for which your body--and your soul--will thank you profusely.

Savor Each Moment
Each moment is a gift. Savor it. Be in it.
Even in the tough times, take a moment to breathe, ground yourself and become present in the moment. There is much more to your experience, right now, than you realize, such as the fact of your aliveness, the possibilities for discovery, and appreciation of a human connection.

Focus on What You Love
Life will be much richer—livelier--if you can direct your attention to what really matters to you, whether that’s a person, a place, or an activity. Take time to consider bigger questions, such as how you are willing to use the space and time left to you.

Create the Capacity to See the Big Picture
Try to view your life as a passenger on an amazing journey. Realize that you are MORE than petty or narrow judgments about yourself. The destination is the journey as much or more than the journey simply leading to a destination.

Be Open to the mystery of Life and Being
An appreciation for the fact of life Tip: Stay open to the possibilities and surprises of life, they may be around the corner. When you’re in conversation or working, or just simply being, realize that change—often positive change—can spontaneously occur; and you can help to promote that process too.

Understand that Pain is a Teacher
Understand that as difficult as it is, pain can be an opening—as well as closure—to a new way of life. For example, if you are sad, perhaps you can view the sadness as a long neglected chance to slow down, appreciate subtleties, and consider life anew.

Develop an Appreciation of Balance
We all experience fragility and resiliency. To cope best with this life, acknowledge both your limits and your possibilities. Recognize that limits and possibilities play off one another and that to live fully one must be open to tearfulness as well exhilaration.
Alone time, in depth therapy, and meditation, can each play a vital role in the cultivation of a life of balance.

Stay Present and Accept the Change
Life is ever-evolving. An ability to stay present to, and accept, the evolving nature of life is a powerful skill. As painful as conflict can be, realize that, like everything else, it too shall pass, and something new will emerge.

Surrender and Trust in the Unknowable 
Strive to develop the ability to give yourself over discerningly to the unknowable future. Realize that no matter how hard we fall, there is always a beyond that can “catch us.” To the extent you can risk being open in these ways, you can derive continual benefits, even in the most difficult circumstances.

Take a Leap of Faith into Your Future
There have been many people throughout history who have suffered unimaginably and yet found solace in the wonders and puzzlements of creation. They have found a way to rise above the worst of times and grow from them, and find gratitude for all that is good. You are so much more than what you think you are. So take the leap if you dare, follow your grandest visions and dreams, and partake of the greatest investigation ever known—your own awe-filled life. Breathe in the awesomeness of life!

http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/2009/10/How-To-Have-An-Awesome-Life.aspx?p=13

How to Let Go and Forgive

Forgiveness Is Good for the Body and the Soul
We know that forgiveness is good for your body, mind and spirit. Studies show that forgiveness reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and reduces chronic pain. Forgiveness lessens symptoms of depression, anxiety and hopelessness. It improves our relationships and gives us a greater sense of wellbeing.

Christians forgive to stretch their soul, to be more like Jesus. In the prayer he taught us we say, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Jesus then went on to make it an imperative for Christians, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matt 6:15-16

What If It's Too Painful to Forget?
Forgiveness is not forgetting. When people say forgive and forget, they don't mean we get amnesia. In order for the forgiveness to have value we remember what happened but we let go of the pain.

Forgiveness is not giving in. You don't give your power away to the person who hurt you. You don't have to overlook injustice. The perpetrator may have to face the consequences of their actions. Justice is necessary to right wrongs. Forgiveness is necessary to heal.

Forgiveness is not for the coward; it is for the spiritually strong. Forgiveness is a one-way street; it allows you to move on with your life.

Forgiveness Is a Grace 
Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. It frees you from negative and destructive emotions, and helps you heal yourself.

Forgiveness is a grace we first receive from God that we then extend to others. It may lead to reconciliation with the other person or, or we may choose not to be in relationship with that person. That's a choice, especially if staying in contact could open you up to further abuse.

 Look Deeply to Move from Victim to Victor 
We don't want to rehash the past endlessly; we want to come to an understanding of what happened that lets us move on with our lives.

Usually rather than looking deeply we look shallow and wide. The hurt seems to extend to the horizon of our lives. We need to put a fence around it, see that it is only so big.

Review what happened as objectively as you can. Are we making the person who hurt us the villain in our personal drama and ourselves the victim? When we demonize the other person we dehumanize them. When we see ourselves as just a victim we give up our power to change. We want to move from victim of an injury to victory over the hurt.

Ease into Empathy 
This is the most important and difficult step. We are called try to find some common humanity with the perpetrator. We ask ourselves, what was going on in their head? Have I ever done anything similar?
Maybe the best we can do is pity. "That poor sick so-and-so." Or, perhaps, we can feel sympathy; "there but for the grace of God go I." Maybe we can even feel compassion; feel what they feel and want to help.

To forgive we have to see the humanity of the other person. They, like us, are fallible and imperfect. They are capable of acting out of fear and anger. Maybe they are mentally ill or truly immoral. If so, that is a tragedy. We are called to be someone who meets sickness and evil with faith and love.

Change Your Story 
We can tell the story of the hurt done to us over and over again until we are in a rut that looks a lot like a grave. It's time to put down the shovel and get a ladder to climb out of the old story.

It helps to tell the story to a healer -- an insightful friend, a religious counselor, a professional therapist, someone who can help us to reframe the story and come to a new understanding.

We can also bring our story to God in prayer. We invite God in to re-mind us, that is, to give us a renewed mind. We want to see what happened from God's point of view because from God's perspective the story can end with healing.

Our stories shape our souls. A story that ends in bitterness and revenge is a tragedy. A story that ends in forgiveness is a redemption story. We see ourselves as overcoming adversity.

Forgiveness Is a Small Miracle 
We can decide to forgive, even if we don't feel like it. The person doesn't deserve the gift of forgiveness, but we give it anyway. We make a free will decision to renounce our right to revenge and not to harbor hateful thoughts toward the other person.

The gift of forgiveness is a small miracle, a grace from God. We can do it because we have first have been forgiven by God.

After we make a decision then we can grow into emotional forgiveness. As we let go of our hurt feelings and don't seek revenge then we may find our feelings following our decision. We may start to feel more understanding toward the other person. We move from wanting revenge to hoping that they fare well in life. It helps to pray for the other person.

But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father. Matt 5:44

Pray For The Person You Resent 
One helpful way to develop empathy for the other person and to change our feelings about the other person is to pray for him or her. This prayer:

Opens you to God's power to help you.

Invokes God's help for the other person.
Demonstrates your willingness to forgive.
Softens your heart toward the other person.
Moves you from selfishness to generosity.

I've found there are stages of praying for the person I resent.

Admit I would rather curse him than pray for him.
Pray anyway, through gritted teeth.
Pray they get what they deserve.
Pray that God will give them what they need.
Pray God will bless them as God wants to bless them.

I make it a habit that whenever a revenge thought comes in my mind, I pray for the other person. I keep praying until malice turns to charity.


Focus on One day at a Time, Keep Forgiveness Strong 
We let go of the hurt and hold onto the healing, but; the hurt may come back, especially when we interact with the perpetrator. When the hurt reasserts itself, we reassert our decision to forgive and pray for the person who hurt us.

Forgiveness is a daily decision and a way of life. Our goal is to become a more spiritual person, that is, someone who is growing into the image and likeness of God. The path of that spiritual growth is the way of forgiveness. Each day we take another step on that path; we develop a discipline of running up and down the five steps. Gradually, we find a way to serenity even in the midst of conflicts and personal tragedies.

http://www.beliefnet.com

Be Better in Bed: 30 Ways, 30 Days to Hotter Sex

doctorstevenpark.com

 Make Missionary Work 
While most people have heard that it’s tough for a woman to climax in this standard sexual position (and in fact research suggests that only 25 percent of women do), with a little maneuvering, the missionary can actually be amazing.

The secret? CAT. No, we’re not suggesting something off-color, but rather that you learn the “Coital Alignment Technique.” Instead of having your guy lie on top of you chest-to-chest with his penis moving more or less horizontally, have him shift forward so that his chest is closer to your shoulders. As a result, his penis moves more up and down. In other words, if he rides higher on your pelvis, the bony base of his penis will make more contact with your clitoris. This increases direct stimulation and may provide enough to push you to orgasm. In fact, a recent study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed a 56 percent increase in female orgasm in the missionary position after only 21 days of practicing the technique. Now, who said missionary work wasn’t fun?

Think Zinc 
You’ve probably been told that certain foods like oysters are aphrodisiacs. But it really may have less to do with the performance of swallowing said shellfish and more to do with the fact that it’s high in zinc, which in turn can up your pheromones (sexy little hormones that make you irresistible to the opposite sex). According to registered dietitian Alyse Levine, other foods that contain zinc (which may also kick up your sex drive) include pumpkin seeds, eggs and spinach. So, zinc up before you synch up!

Keep Score 
Good sexual partners are concerned about how they’re doing sexually but talking about it can be tough. This system from relationship expert Dr. Karyn Gordon can help get the dialogue going.

Score it
When discussing sex, instead of just going for ‘good,’ ‘bad,’ or ‘nonexistent’, get specific (this works great with men). Ask your partner, on a scale of 0 to 10, how satisfied they are with your sex life? Ask what they like and what’s missing. For the record, couples with a healthy sex life typically rate it an 8 or 9. (Why not 10? Because there is always room for improvement!)

Discuss It
Next, ask for specifics for how to improve. This should be a two-way conversation. Brainstorm ideas together. Here are some questions you could ask:

(1) What is the #1 thing I say that turns you on?
(2) What is the #1 thing I do that turns you on?
(3) What is the #1 thing I wear that turns you on?
(4) What is the #1 type of environment that turns you on?

Your partner (and you) may not know the answers to some of these questions right away. That’s okay. It allows you to try to figure out the answers and then tell your partner.

Do It!
Once you know a list of things that your partner likes and vice versa, keep it simple and focus on doing two key things that you know they like. Be sure to revisit your sex score after two weeks for a progress report!

Say “I Love You” After Sex
A recent study in The Journal of Sex Research found that both men and women in a long term relationship felt it was important to say those three little words after doing the deed. “It makes sense that if both a man and a woman want a long-term relationship, they both understand that after sex may be a time of bonding and expressing their love for each other,” says Susan Hughes, professor of psychology at Pennsylvania’s Albright College and author of the study. “Men who are in love might realize it’s especially important to their partner that they show their devotion.”

In other words, if you want a sex life that’s about more than just the physical, then make sure your partner knows how much you care…before, during but also after the act.

Stare into Each Other’s Eyes
Eye-gazing is a tantric secret from ancient India, and is also suggested by modern marriage therapists for developing deep sexual and erotic intimacy. “The eyes are a window to the soul and make you transparent to your lover,” says Dhyana Eagleton, M.A., a Boulder-based hypnotherapist and Tantra teacher. “This makes for better sex because instead of being distracted by the clutter in your mind, you and your sweetheart are completely focused and merged in one another on every level, physical, emotional and spiritual.” Eagleton offers the following tips for incorporating eye contact into your sex life…because love may be blind but lovemaking shouldn’t be!

Start by sitting opposite each other, clothed or unclothed, holding hands. Lovingly gaze into your sweetheart’s eyes for five minutes. Then begin to kiss and run your fingers along each other’s bodies, stimulating pleasure spots, while you continue looking in each other's eyes. Then try maintaining eye contact during intercourse and continue to look deeply into your lover's eyes while either one of you is climaxing. That can lead to an even more explosive orgasm and promote intense bonding.

Create a Quickie Cue 
There is something insanely sexy about fast, need-you-now sex that can turn up the heat in your sex life. In order to make those moments happen with finesse Joel D. Block, PhD, author of The Art of the Quickie, suggests creating a “quickie cue” with your partner. “Imagine you’re sitting in a restaurant, you give him a look that he recognizes and then you get up and walk toward the restroom…he gets up and follows you knowing full well what you’re up to…because the two of you have created a quickie signal,” says Dr. Block. “It conveys in no uncertain terms, ‘You, me, here, now.” In other words: hot.

Practice Safe Sex(ting)
A little safe sexting with your partner can really ramp up the sexual heat. “If you’re in a committed and trusting adult relationship, a sext is a flirty and fun way to have a sexual and private discussion…in fact, sexting is a great way to express your innermost seductive desires that you might not have the guts to say in person,” says “Texpert” Shawn Edgington, author of Read Between the Lines: A Humorous Guide to Texting with Simplicity and Style. “Sexting can be a hot way to augment your relationship with that special someone to help keep the fire burning…a sexy secret instantly passed back and forth without anyone knowing what you’re talking about.” Edgington recommends that sexts never be raunchy but instead suggestive. Here are some fun examples to work into your sext-pertoire:
Can I bring anything for dinner… wine, chocolate sauce, whip cream?
I splurged at Victoria Secret – HBB (Hot Beyond Belief) Can’t wait to share.
I was in such a hurry this morning, I forgot to put on panties.
There’s something I’ve been waiting to show you…

Go Condom Shopping
"Experiment with sizes, textures, and materials to find the one that gives you both the most sensation," suggest Adam Glickman, Founder of Condomania.com. "With all the varieties and styles, you're sure to find one that will provide protection and pleasure." Another option to help him get a perfect fit (and maximize his glove-wearing experience in the process) is to “special order.” Check out Condomania’s custom-fit condom line. It boasts 55 sizes and you can take his “measurements” with the cut-out tools offered on the website. A proper fitting condom also has a reduced risk of breakage and slippage. Go to www.condomania.com to get started.

Read a Romance Novel…Out Loud
“If you are looking for ways to spike up the collective ardor of you and your partner, and are a fan of the build-up that precedes seeking fingertips, and bodies molded just so, don't underestimate the power of the written word,” says romance novelist Reid Lance Rosenthal and author of the best-selling, multiple award winning Threads West. “The torch of a well-written sex scene delivered with the audible pheromones of a lover's voice is a surefire foundation to a scorching primal zing after the last word of the reading -- assuming you actually make it all the way through the passage." Rosenthal gives these additional tips to make your sex-scene sharing even more alluring:
Set the Scene. Back drop the reading with the glow of candles, and let your words flow languorously over the soft cotton of sweet smelling sheets. Delivery, content and setting will without doubt enhance what comes next.
Keep it Clean. Rosenthal suggests that the best passages to read are tactile scenes, not smutty, well written by someone who obviously knows about that which they pen, with real action, good description and building passion. In other words, it’s a little dirty but not trashy.
Use the Power of Suggestion. Perhaps you desire some loving out of your ordinary routine? Choose the section of the book accordingly, or even insert your own special paragraph! In other words, read it and then act it out!

Wear Socks in Bed
Yes, we know, socks don't typically go with lingerie. But here's one good reason to keep your feet covered: A Dutch study from the University of Groningen showed that a woman is 30 percent more likely to have an orgasm if her feet are warm! The psychological ramifications of a comfortable environment also apparently factor in here (i.e. the more at ease a woman is during sex, the easier it is to reach that peak).

Breathe Together While Knocking Boots
“Synchronous tantric breathing helps a couple to focus and tune in to each other for greater intimacy,” says Eagleton. A sexual breath exchange doesn’t have to include intercourse, but it can. Here is Eagleton’s prescription for learning to breathe together. (She recommends doing it in the morning, and again in the evening when you hit the sack.) Commit to doing the steps below, she says and your sex life will naturally become more connected.
Start by lying together on your sides in the spooning position, eyes closed and breathing deeply. Start breathing deeply, inhaling and exhaling. Have your guy listen to your breath or feel your chest expanding and adjust his breathing to match yours.
After a few minutes breathing at your pace, switch. As your guy inhales and exhales, breathe deeply with him.
Then, caress each other while breathing together and remain in that deeply relaxed, open flow.
Turn each other on just enough to be aroused and connected as you start your day or as you drift into sleep. If you feel like making love, relax into the deep breathing with your partner while thrusting.

Whip it Up
“Incorporating food into foreplay can be extremely erotic,” says Dr. Block. Smearing melted chocolate on each other is one awesome option. Another amazing item? Whipped Lightning, a yummy, adult alcohol-spiked whipped cream. Available in limited release right now (check the website to see if it’s your state), we’re guessing that anyone who gets their hands on a bottle of this stuff will see the limitless potential for bedroom games in this spray can. Just shoot it on and let your imagination take it from there. Is that what one would call a double-whipped-whoopie-whammy?

Chill Out!
According to new psychology research from The University of Texas at Austin, stress is a major buzz-kill for your sex life. The study showed that chronically elevated cortisol levels (a hormone released in times of stress) can produce impotence and loss of libido by inhibiting testosterone production in men. In women, chronically high levels of cortisol can produce severe fertility problems and result in an abnormal menstrual cycle (which may also affect sex drive). However, the effects of cortisol go down in both men and women as soon as stress levels are normalized. So, if your sex life is suffering from stress, consider that instead of trying to make sex happen, you and your partner would probably do better learning to relax together. Take a bath a deux (which promotes bonding) or perhaps practice yoga together (increased flexibility in addition to stress relief!). Making efforts to chill together can actually help you heat things up again.

 Whisper Dirty Nothings
“Dirty talk adds an aural dimension to sex that can elevate the experience,” says Rachel Venning, co-author of Moregasm and co-founder of Babeland. “The truth is taking risks is sexy, and sometimes speaking our desires out loud is taking a risk…especially if preceded by the words ‘I want you to....’ " says Venning who suggests that if you take a risk, your own excitement level is sure to go up, even aside from what will happen if your partner takes you up on your invitation. Another way to start the dirty talk, she says, is to narrate what’s happening. Try telling him what you’re going to do next, what you’re doing now, or what you just did. Cheesy? Maybe. Effective? Yes, yes, yes!

Squeeze in a Striptease
"A tasteful tease will improve your sex life with its unique experience and that ever important intimate connection you'll make with your one-on-one show!" says professional burlesque performer Darlinda Just Darlinda. Here are her tips for getting your bedroom act just right.
Find a sexy (but not too slutty) outfit. Some favorites of the burlesque set are Secrets in Lace and American Shapewear. They have vintage-inspired lingerie with stockings and garters to give you something to do with your hands.
Choose a song that makes you feel sexy and practice! Fumbling with your sexy new stockings and garters may turn your striptease into a comedy routine, so before you take your show to the bedroom, do a dress rehearsal alone. And pick a song that makes you feel hot as soon as you hear it or one you've played when you and your lover are going at it.
Incorporate sensuous fabrics. Wear something soft that your partner will want to touch! A sequined gown may look sparkly and fun, but a velvet dress feels soft to the touch and shows off your gorgeous curves! Add a boa that you can caress yourself and your lover with!
Have fun. Set the mood with some candles or low lighting and enjoy yourself. A tease should be fun and sexy so don't take yourself too seriously.

 Use a Vibrator
Need an incentive to engage in a little battery-powered action? Two Indiana University studies conducted among nationally representative samples of adult American men and women showed that vibrator use during sexual interactions may have benefits for your health as well as your sex life. The two studies, in which approximately 53 percent of women and 45 percent of men ages 18 to 60 reported using vibrators, found that the mechanical aid is associated with more positive sexual function (desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm and overall function) and with being more proactive in caring for one's sexual health. And these stats were not just for women. Men who used vibrators during sexual play also showed higher sexual function and health.

Chomp Celery
Celery may just put the “crude” in “crudite." Research has found that sharing a stalk of it can make you and your partner mutually irresistible. That's thanks to androstenone, a steroid found in human sweat that puts off a scent, or sex pheromone, which makes people more attractive to each other. This steroid is also found in celery and eating it can increase the human levels of the steroid and pheromone secretion! “In addition, celery increases the volume of ejaculatory fluids in both sexes making climax stronger so not only will a man smell good, he will have a stronger urge to have sex,” says Judy Gaman, coauthor of Stay Young: Ten Proven Steps to Ultimate Health. “For women, it can put her in a great mood and increase the orgasmic effect.” So, head to the vegetable section, stat!

Check Your Sexual Compatibility
You may think you know what your get-it-on preferences are but the reality is that most people don’t fully know their proclivities (and if they don’t know their own, then there is no way they can guess what their partner digs).

Enter the Beiter Sexuality Preference Indicator, a really revealing quiz created by clinical psychologist Dr. John Beiter. This online quiz guides you through a series of questions and word associations that are designed to capture your sexual impulses (i.e. don’t over-think your answers) and will give you a roadmap as to where your sexual preferences predominate. For example, you might be “Adventurous” but with an almost equal amount of “Loving” or “Passionate” with a penchant for the “Romantic.”

“This fun little tool has helped many couples make some magic happen between the sheets,” says Dr. Beiter. “It has allowed them to get out of ‘the routine’ of being together and sexually explore fantasies that had previously been confined to the mind.” Take the quiz together and share your results! You might learn something you didn’t know (and knowledge is always a turn on).

Be a Camera-Phone Provocateur
Yes, your camera phone was meant for taking photos of pretty sunsets and rainbows and the like. But it’s also a potent tool for prurient pix. “Visuals can create anticipation and excitement because what you see you can’t have at that exact moment,” says Edgington. “If sending explicit photos is in your future, it’s a good idea to eliminate your face in those images that include `The Twins' or `Mr. Happy' for privacy protection.” That said, even an innocuous photographic glimpse of your stockings or lacy bra with a playful “See you later” caption will keep your lover on high alert all day (and ready to undress you the minute work is done).

Try a Yummy Sex Position
While some elements of tantric sex – like tandem breathing and coital eye contact – seem easy to incorporate into your sex life, some positions can be intimidating. But the Yab Yum tantric position is so accessible that once you try it, it may become a permanent part of your sexual repertoire. “This tantric position works to improve your sex life because it puts both partners face to face but in a more equal position than missionary and it frees up the hands for exploration,” says Eagleton. “Since this position does not allow deep and rapid thrusting, tantric lovers focus instead on the powerful pleasurable sensations coursing through their bodies when they move with gentle, slow thrusting and are more present and intimate with one another.” Here’s how:
Start with your guy sitting on cushions cross-legged or with his legs slightly bent and the soles of his feet touching.
When you are feeling aroused and lubricated from love-play, face your lover, lower yourself onto his member and wrap your legs around his waist, crossing them in the back and embracing him with your arms around his back or neck.
Next, you can start to undulate in his lap. Your guy can caress your body all over sensuously, gently rocking your hips and buttocks rhythmically with his hands, and stimulating your breasts and nipples with his hands or mouth.
Then try relaxing in union, remaining very still and present, eye-gazing, smiling, and incorporating Tantric breathing (see Tip #11 ).

Embrace Your Age
A recent Swedish study found that some things actually do improve with age…including sex! When 1,500 people were interviewed over a 30-year period, researchers found that both sexes reported an increase in sex at age 70 and older (from 38 percent to 56 percent for married women and from 52 percent to 68 percent for married men, with slightly lower stats for single men and women). Additionally, the number of women reporting high sexual satisfaction increased, and more women reported having an orgasm during sex while fewer reported never having had an orgasm as they aged. So stop worrying that your days of being sexual are numbered, and spend your time instead working on increasing your satisfaction.

Hug Naked! 
The average hug lasts less than four seconds since most people are self-conscious about hugging and being hugged. But being held close is a primal experience that can be therapeutic and bonding (even though if feels scary). If you really want to bond with your partner, however, try hugging naked. “As adults, too often we shield ourselves against experiences that can trigger strong emotional responses,” says Dr. Block. Block recommends that to increase the trust in your relationship (sexual and otherwise) you start by hugging your partner…a normal squeeze with clothes on. Discuss how you felt. Then take a big sexy leap and take all your clothes off and hug again. You’ll likely see that it’s not as easy as you first imagined but once you trust and relax, you’ll bond intimately in a way you might not have expected. It’s about promoting security within your sexual relationship.

 Do a Sexual Warm-up
The greater your arousal, the greater your orgasm. So give yourself a pre-bedroom boost by beginning the buildup before the date even begins. “Time spent prepping your body gets the juices flowing,” says Venning. “A stress-releasing bath followed by generous application of oils will put your skin in a receptive mood. Trim or remove hair down there so that your private parts will be even more sensitive.” Venning suggests mental prep helps too. Spend some time fantasizing about what will happen. Even better, make some concrete plans about the sex you want to have and what you will initiate or ask for. This increases the excitement of anticipation and the confidence of having some control. That being said, spontaneity still has a role (as do your partner’s plans). Just keep in mind that some of the best sex is like improv -- some is planned in advance, while other actions require more in-the-moment discovery.

Play Dress Up
Many couples find it liberating sexually to don a costume and along with that get-up, a new persona. "Acting out your fantasy with your partner by wearing a sexy costume in the bedroom is a wonderful way to express yourself in a non-threatening manner,” says Mary Pender Greene, a New York City psychotherapist and relationship expert. “For example, a pirate costume might give a wife license to take charge in the bedroom.” Looking to spice things up a bit? Shop separately for fantasy outfits and then surprise each other with the costumes reflecting your sexual alter-egos. “There are outfits for both men and women, and many of them are based on popular fetishes and fantasies that couples enjoy bringing to life,” says Greene.

Do a Little Baking
It turns out that the number one smell to turn men on, according to Dr. Alan R. Hirsch, neurological director of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation, is a combination of pumpkin pie and lavender. In fact, this spicy smell combo increased male penile blood flow by 40 percent! Second in line? Doughnuts and black licorice (31.5 percent increase in sexual arousal), followed by pumpkin pie and doughnuts (20 percent increase). For women a whiff of Good & Plenty and cucumber recorded the highest increase in female sexual arousal. So if you’re trying to get a guy to get-it-on… it wouldn’t hurt to actually don an apron (clothes optional underneath) and bake a pumpkin pie. The reward might be sex in the kitchen!

Head to a HotelYou know that fancy dinner you were planning? Take the money and spend it on a cheap hotel instead. You don’t even have to spend the night! “Pack a bag with a few of your favorite toys and a bottle of lube, tell the babysitter you’ll be home by midnight,” says Venning. “Motels or hotels can be very fun. No kids who might interrupt. No nosy neighbors to hear your peals of delight. The excitement of a new place. No intrusive thoughts about how you could be spending the time doing a load of laundry, and you won’t feel responsible if you notice cobwebs in the corner.” In other words, there is a certain sexy feeling that comes from doing something illicit. Yell your heart out. Then, leave a big tip for the maid and head home.

Get Him to Clean House
Obviously the picture of your man in a tool belt is alluring, but how about the thought of him in an apron? Researchers from the University of California, Riverside , found that when men contribute to household chores, their women actually find them more sexually attractive. Social scientists report that women interpret a man’s domestic contributions as a sign of love and caring and are therefore more sexually attracted to their mates. So, hand him a sponge and tell him that if he cleans up the dinner dishes, there'll be a reward waiting for him in the bedroom.

Try for a Tandem OFor years the holy grail of sexual intercourse has been simultaneous orgasm. It’s not always easy to achieve, but a shared orgasm can be amazing. “One way to make this rare event a lot more common is to get a We Vibe,” says Venning. “This ingenious little toy is a hands-free, U-shaped vibe that slides over the female partner’s clitoris. The other end tucks inside. The clever design allows penetration to proceed unimpeded by the streamlined vibe. Strong consistent clitoral stimulation for the woman, combined with her partner’s thrusting and her partner gets the satisfactions of penetration plus his own buzzing thrill with each push.” But even without a little vibrating “help,” making mutual orgasm a goal of your sex life can lead to all kinds of new sexual discoveries and incentive for a lot of practice (in other words, creative fun and more sex…woo hoo!).
 
Take a Drive
By taking a drive, we mean make it in the car! “Remember, if you indulge in the car, make sure the alarm is off and the engine is cool…and it’s probably best not to engage in this blind lust while you’re driving,” says Dr. Block, who encourages car sex as a way of feeling sexually adventurous. “Many people report some of their steamiest sexual experiences happened while steaming up the car windows.” Ummm…ladies and gentlemen, start your engines.

Just Do It
“As women, we have a lots of other stuff to do besides having fun in bed. Often not only a demanding job and a home to take care of, but also a family, too. With all of the items on our to-do lists, sex can get constantly shunted off to tomorrow,” says Venning. “Waiting for a powerful chord of desire to strike can be like waiting for the Publisher’s Clearinghouse van to pull up. It ain’t gonna happen. So instead of waiting, make your own luck. Starting sex is one of the best ways to feel sexy.” Venning suggests the following. Try initiating sex on a Friday night. It might feel a little forced at first, but stick with it. Usually the body catches up if you do the motions. You’ll probably have some pretty nice sex. But watch out for Saturday! With your pump primed from Friday night, your level of arousal will be higher the next day and you’ll want to go back for more. And the second time will be better. And lookout Sunday morning! Park the kids in front of a movie and “sleep in.” Those are the weekends that make a relationship last.

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5 Ways to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You

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Is It Manipulative or Smart Strategy?
Some people will read this and think what I'm suggesting is wrong. I admit it's about manipulating and meddling with people's emotions. Most particularly, people you wish to God would meddle with you. In an ideal world, I'd agree. It would be preferable if everyone you wanted just fell in your lap, without having to play games. Unfortunately, real life doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you can spend six months living, breathing, dripping, drooling, loving and lusting after someone with zero result. When that happens the techniques that follow suddenly seem like a gift from heaven. Besides, it's not like I'm proposing black magic or suggesting any of these techniques will force someone to fall in love with you against their will. (If they did, I'd currently be shacked up with Brad Pitt.) What they will do, though, is nudge the odds a lot higher in your favor. Is that really so bad? I don't think so. Go on, keep reading. You know you want to...

Hang Around a Lot... but Then Be Unavailable
The more you interact positively with someone, the more they'll like you, says David Lieberman, an expert in human behavior. And several studies back him up -- showing repeated exposure to practically any stimulus makes us like it more (as long as our initial reaction wasn't negative). So forget about being aloof, evasive and unavailable in the beginning. Instead, find excuses to spend time with him. Now, pay attention, because this is the tricky part. Just when you're convinced you've won him over and he likes you, start being a little less available. And then even less, until he hardly sees you at all. You've now effectively instigated the "law of scarcity." We all know this one: People want what they can't have. By constantly being available, you diminish your value. If every time you walked outside your front door there was a huge pile of diamonds to step over, you'd hardly see them as precious would you? Be around and then not around for awhile and you'll give him time to think about how much he likes and wants you.

Don't Do Nice Things for Them -- Let Them Do Nice Things for You
If you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good on two levels: You feel pleased with yourself and extra-warm toward the person you've just spoiled. The end result is we like the person more. When someone does something nice for us, we're pleased. But there are a whole lot of other emotions that come into play -- and they're not all good. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed. There's pressure to live up to being the wonderful person who inspired such a gift/act, not to mention pressure to return the favor. It's even trickier if the "nice thing" comes from someone you like, but aren't entirely sure about just yet. Got the point? When we're infatuated with someone, we're desperate to do nice things for him, but you're much better off letting him spoil you.

Give Them the Eye
In an effort to measure love scientifically, Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin began recording the amount of time lovers spent staring at each other. He discovered that couples who are deeply in love look at each other 75 percent of the time when talking and are slower to look away when someone else intrudes. (In normal conversation, people look at each other between 30-60 percent of the time.) The significance of what's now known as Rubin's Scale: It's possible to tell how "in love" people are by measuring the amount of time they spend gazing adoringly at one another. Look at someone 75 percent of the time when they're talking to you, and you may be able to trick their brain. Why? The brain knows the last time that someone looked at them for that long and often, it meant they were in love. So it thinks okay, I'm obviously in love with this person as well, and starts to release phenylethylamine (PEA), a chemical cousin to amphetamines secreted by the nervous system when we first fall in love. It’s what makes our palms sweat, our tummies flip over and our hearts race.

Don't Look Away
There was another crucial finding from Rubin's research: Couples took longer to look away when someone else joined the conversation. Again, if you do this to someone who's not in love with you (yet), you trick his brain into thinking he is, and even more PEA floods into his bloodstream. Relationships expert Leil Lownes calls this technique making "toffee eyes." Simply lock eyes with the person you like and keep them there, even when he has finished talking or someone else joins the conversation. When you eventually do drag your eyes away (three or four seconds later), do it slowly and reluctantly -- as though they're attached by warm toffee. This technique may not sound terribly inspired but, believe me, if done properly it can literally take your breath away. If you're too shy to gaze openly, skip the toffee and think bouncing ball. Look away and at the other person who's joined the conversation, but every time they finish a sentence, let your eyes bounce back to the person you're interested in. This is a checking in gesture -- you're checking his reaction to what the speaker is saying -- and it lets him know you're more interested in him than the other person.

Practice “Pupillometrics”
We all know "bedroom eyes" when we see them. But what makes that look of lust so appealing? According to pupillometrics, the science of pupil study, big pupils are the crucial element we respond to. You can't consciously control them, but you can create the right conditions to make your pupils bigger. First, reduce light. Our pupils expand when they're robbed of it -- one reason why candlelight and dimmer switches are de rigueur in romantic restaurants. It's not just the softer light that makes our faces appear more attractive, larger pupils also help. In a University of Chicago study, researchers showed two sets of pictures of a woman's face to a group of men. The photographs were identical, except for one thing: The pupils in one were doctored to make them look larger. When shown the doctored photograph, men judged the same woman twice as attractive. There were similar results when sets of photos of a man's face was shown to women. Our pupils also enlarge when we look at something we like. So if you're really attracted to someone, your pupils are probably already big, black holes. But if you want to ensure it's happening, focus on one of the person's attributes you like most.

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10 Quotes to Rise Above Pain and Suffering

We all have pain in life. For some of us it is physical and chronic, and difficult to bear. For others it is emotional or spiritual. How can we embrace life's pain, and seek to rise above it? Read these inspiring quotes about becoming bigger than your pain.

Pain Brings Us Strength
"Fractures well cured make us more strong."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Obstacles and Adversity
"It is interesting to notice how some minds seem almost to create themselves, springing up under every disadvantage, and working their solitary but irresistible way through a thousand obstacles."
-Washington Irving

Hold Strong
"A gentleman can withstand hardships; it is only the small man who, when submitted to them, is swept off his feet."
-Confucius

Unconquerable You
"Pain is no evil unless it conquers us."
-George Eliot

Making the Choice "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional"
-Unknown

Laughter, Not Tears 
"I make myself laugh at everything, in case I should have to weep."
-Pierre-Augustin de Beaumarchais


Laughter, Not Tears
"I make myself laugh at everything, in case I should have to weep."
-Pierre-Augustin de Beaumarchais


Awareness
"There is no coming to consciousness without pain."
-Carl Jung

The Lessons in Suffering
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape."
-Charles Dickens

Transform Yourself
"Turn your wounds into wisdom."
-Oprah Winfrey

Fuel for Your Journey
"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."
-Kenji Miyazawa
 http://www.beliefnet.com

Tips on How to Organize Your Life

When your to-do list gets overwhelming, there's a natural way to figure out your next step. Tune into this gentle process. BY: Jennifer Louden

It's mid-morning, and several minor crises have already derailed you. Your plan for the day is in shambles, your to-do list feels like a boulder around your neck, and all you want to do is hide. You’re reaching for a Diet Coke in the hopes that it will give you the energy to decide which item on your list to tackle. Then you remember that there’s another way. You make the choice.
You feel your feet connecting with the ground beneath you. You take a deep breath and reach your arms overhead, exhaling with a huge sigh. You put your hand on your heart and recall feeling balanced and flowing, trusting the flow of life. You gently ask, "What choice feels the easiest in this moment?" You visualize yourself bringing this question into your heart, and take a breath or two to infuse it with flow and peace. Perhaps a brief image of your sister comes to mind. Or maybe you hear a refrain of an old song, and when you focus on it, you realize it reminds you of your sister. Or perhaps you remember the feeling of your sister hugging you. You call your sister, have a lovely chat, and when you get off the phone, you have new energy —enough to move you forward to the next task awaiting you. 

Do you begin to see to get the picture of how this approach flows with life? I’m not proposing you sell your worldly possessions and move to the woods to live in an unheated yurt. I’m not recommending you consult crystals or the I Ching before moving a muscle. What I am saying is that when you think you’re lost, overwhelmed, and without direction, you do “know” what to do to restore your balance and your direction–but it’s a different kind of knowing, one you already possess, and need only be reminded of how to access.


This is part of the process I call "Life Organizing." It's infinitely richer than plotting your days in 15-minute increments in your day planner, but it does require trusting your own experiences. It involves a quick in-the-moment check-in that lowers your stress while allowing you to move beyond your conscious mind and respond with creativity and intuition to challenges and opportunities. Here are some of the check-in steps from the example above:


1. Connect: Move your body – breathe deeper, stretch your arms overhead, step outside and feel the breeze on your skin- anything that connects you with your life energy.

2. Feel: Tune into your heart, which can give you information your head can’t. Simply put your attention on your heart, perhaps by placing your hand there. Recall a time in which you felt loved and appreciated or loving and appreciative toward someone else. Linger there for a few seconds.

3. Inquire: Ask a mindful question. This opens up possibilities you literally couldn’t see before. In the first example, the mindful question was: What choice feels the easiest in this moment? Another of my favorite questions: What do I need to know right now?

4. Allow: To allow is simply trusting that by connecting, feeling, and inquiring, you will hear or see or feel or sense what your next step is—and only your next step.. Allowing is not about belief: it’s about noticing your experience and opening to your next step, allowing love, inspiration, and knowing to come into your body and heart, to inform and direct you.
 

http://www.beliefnet.com 

 

21 Motivational Quotes on Strength by Beliefnet.com

Have the Courage to Carry On
By Renita Williams

Let’s face it, life can be hard. Just when you are sitting there minding your own business, pow, a crisis can come your way.

Whether it is work, differences amongst family and friends, bad relationships, financial struggles, or just a bad day, sometimes it can be overwhelming and hard to deal with.

Although what seems like a tough time while it’s happening, it is also a way to help you find the strength you never knew was within. Let these quotes on strength help you feel the motivation to carry on.

Hang On
"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. "

-Franklin D. Roosevelt

Never Give Up
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

-Harriet Beecher Stowe

It's Just the Beginning
"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning."

-Ivy Baker Priest

What Lies Within
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Make the Goal
"Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal."

-Jerome Fleishman

Pick Up the Pieces
"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."

-Flavia Weedn

Don't Allow Yourself to Suffer
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

-M. Kathleen Casey

It's Not the End
"A bend in the road is not the end of the road...unless you fail to make the turn."

-Author Unknown

The Strength to Overcome
"We acquire the strength we have overcome."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Appreciate What You Have
"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known."

-Garrison Keillor

Prepare for Your Journey
"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."

-Kenji Miyazawa

See Who You Really Are
"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are."

-Arthur Golden

Better In Time
"When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful."

-Barbara Bloom

Having a Reason to Live
"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Allow Yourself Opportunity
"When written in Chinese the word "crisis" is composed of two characters - one represents danger and the other represents opportunity."

-John F. Kennedy

Get Better, Not Bitter
"The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter."

-Author Unknown

Embrace Fortune
"Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience."

-Author Unknown

The Turning Point
"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt."

-Max Lerner

Never Give In
"Never give in... never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force... never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

-Winston Churchill

Use Pain As Fuel
“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”

- August Wilson

Keep Yourself Together
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

-Unknown Author

http://www.beliefnet.com

My Foodrama: Stop Worrying and Enjoy the Moment by Beliefnet

My Foodrama: Stop Worrying and Enjoy the Moment by Beliefnet: "“It’s too good to be true.” Have you ever said that? It seems to apply to a myriad of situations. It looks like you’ll get the job you we..."

Stop Worrying and Enjoy the Moment by Beliefnet

“It’s too good to be true.” Have you ever said that?

It seems to apply to a myriad of situations. It looks like you’ll get the job you were wanting. Someone offers to pay a bill for you. Your spouse cleans out the basement without you having to ask. It all sounds so suspicious. Or does it?

A friend of mine is in the early stages of budding romantic relationship and her mind is racing with the “what if’s”. “What if he’s a deviant?” “What if he’s secretly married with nine kids?” The scenarios kept getting more ludicrous. Eventually I told her, “Instead of seeing this as something that has 50 ways of going wrong, why not see it as having one way of going very right?”

I mean, it’s really gotten silly. When did we stop trusting goodness? When did miracles become suspect? Something wonderful happens, and suddenly we’re watching our backs.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live my life being wary of my blessings. As my fellow blogger Gabrielle Bernstein often says, we should “expect miracles”. We need to act as though a good thing could and will happen at any moment. Why not? We prepare for disasters. We should prepare for triumphs even more.

So, the next time something wonderful happens to you, instead of dissecting, over analyzing and rejecting it, try this: enjoy it. Yeah, go ahead! Revel in it. Talk about it to your friends. Think about it fondly. It’s a gift from the universe just for you; so give yourself permission to unwrap it and roll around the happiness.

A late evangelist often said the phrase: “Something good is going to happen to you.” Believe that today, and when it does, take that moment to celebrate.

http://blog.beliefnet.com

Marketing Luxury Brands Q&A

Marketing Luxury Brands Q&A

Building A Long-Term Brand Strategy With Mobile & Virtual Games

Building A Long-Term Brand Strategy With Mobile & Virtual Games

31 Days of Self-Love by Beliefnet

Learn to Love Yourself
While self-help books all advise building self-love in order to be happy, a surprisingly low number of people truly love themselves. The good news is it's never too late to begin to love you. No matter how old you are or how low you feel about you, it's never too late! No matter how many people have made you feel like you don't deserve to love yourself, it's never too late!

An excellent way to begin to love yourself is to do something loving for you. When you treat yourself with kindness, it makes you feel good. The more you feel good, the more you want to treat yourself with kindness. Each loving act, however big or small, is a brick in the foundation of self-love.

Day 1: Raise Your Consciousness
Pay attention to how you treat yourself compared to how you treat your friends. Most self-love busters are habits that you can break when you become conscious of them. Habits are those automatic responses you use to respond to situations. You have the power to hurt yourself or make yourself feel better. Which do you prefer?

· To beat yourself up for a mistake or be forgiving
· To take nasty things that people say personally or refuse to give their words credence
· To stay in an unhappy relationship because you’re scared of being alone or to walk away because you deserve better.
· To be a DoorMat and ignore your own needs or to set boundaries so that your needs are met.

Etc! Self-love helps you go for the latter choices—the ones that are in your own best interests. Often your choice is the automatic one that you’ve always taken. Pay attention and start to think before you react in a negative situation. Try to take the more loving path, at least sometimes. If you keep your consciousness high you’ll eventually create healthier habits.

Day 2: Look for Love in the Right Places
We look for love from a romantic partner, friends, and family and then complain when we don’t feel loved. We chase love in many directions yet rarely feel fulfilled. Accept that being loved begins and ends with you! It’s hard to receive love if you don’t love yourself! People can say, “I love you,” and do nice things for you. But, if you don’t love yourself, it still won’t make you feel content inside on a long-term basis.


If you want love in your life, go to the mirror RIGHT NOW and say, “I will make the effort to be more loving to you, starting today!” Even if you don’t love yourself, say it with feeling. Do it whenever you can. It will start your consciousness raising about doing loving things for you. Find the love inside you. It’s there, even if it been beaten down by self-criticism and ignoring your needs to please others.

Day 3: Change to Loving Responses
Slowly make an effort to find new ways to respond to situations that bring you down. If someone comments negatively about your body, tell them you’d appreciate their keeping those kind of comments to themselves and affirm to yourself, “I love and accept myself as I am.” Responding from a place of self-love instead of feeling deeply wounded takes some of the sting out of their words. The more you do this, the more it will be your primary reaction to negatives, and the less people will take target practice on you.

Don’t rush to break lifetime habits. For now, raise your self-awareness. Just become more vigilant of the things you say or do out of habit that keep you feeling low about yourself. Don’t get angry or disgusted with yourself. We all do things that aren’t in our own best interest because we’re insecure and want people to like us. Pay attention gently, lovingly, without any criticism.

Day 4: Accept Compliments Graciously
Were you taught that modesty makes you liked more? When you don’t love yourself if can be hard to receive a compliment and enjoy it. Modesty can make you deflect kind words or even deny your assets. “No I didn’t lose weight. It must be the light.” When you don’t love yourself, it’s hard to accept kind words.

Even if you have to consciously force yourself at first, practice receiving graciously. When you get praise, practice saying “thank you,” close your mouth, and allow yourself to feel pride. You deserve it!

Day 5: Buy a Brand Name Product
Do you tend to buy the store brand of products to save money? There’s nothing wrong with that but buying the one you really like can shout a big “I love me” for a few dollars more. Think about a product that you buy the cheap version of but you’d enjoy the better one more. The good coffee, lotion, jam or better wine. Buy the better one if it’s something that brings you pleasure!

Every time you use the product you’ll feel good. Each cup of good coffee or special jam on your bread is a reminder that you’re making an effort to love yourself and feel more worthy of self-love. Find your splurge—a product that says, “I love me!’ and enjoy it! Each time you eat, drink or use it, affirm, “I bought this because I love me!”

Day 6: Be Your Real Best Friend
Think about what you’d say to your best friend who broke something or said the wrong thing or made a big mistake? You’d probably do your best to give reassurance. Next time you do something that you regret, think about what you’d say to a friend who did the same thing.

Would you scold or console? Call her names or be kind? Carry a grudge for a long time or forgive him? You know you’d do the latter choice in most cases. Get into the habit of stopping yourself from reacting negatively and treat yourself the way you’d treat your friend.

Day 7: Redefine Your Self-Image
Don’t focus on what you’re not. Pay attention to the beautiful person you are. Instead of looking for what’s wrong with you, find your good qualities and appreciate them. Let them define you, instead of what you don’t have.
Not being thin doesn’t mean you’re fat!
Not being the smartest in your class doesn’t make you dumb.
Not being the fastest doesn’t make you slow.

Accepting this will increase your self-love and confidence. Comparing yourself to others will block self-love since you can always find someone who makes you fall short and feel like you’re lacking. What you’re not doesn’t make you what you are. Love yourself for who you really are!

Day 8: Say "I Love Me" As Often As Possible 
We’re not brought up to say “I love me.” It can feel funny at first. And continue to feel funny for a while. Even so, go to a mirror, look into it, and say, “I love you” to your reflection. If you have to close your eyes when you get to the mirror, that’s okay. You can force yourself to do it at first. The more you say it, the more you remind yourself that you want to feel self-love. The more you say it the more it will sink in.

Falling in love with yourself takes time and patience. Your closed eyes may open a little as you get more comfortable. Then a little more. As you continue to do it, it will begin to feel more natural. You’ll get more comfortable with it. Think of it as practice for real love one day and keep it up, every time you pass a mirror. It’s a lovely day when you say “I love me” and realize that it’s true! Practice does turn into real loving!
 
Day 9: Buy Yourself Flowers
Do you wait for a romantic partner to buy you flowers? Having them in your living space brightens it and makes you feel good. That’s why buying yourself flowers says “I love me!”

If appropriate, get some to keep on your desk at work too. You can even send them to yourself. When people ask who they’re from, say from someone who loves you. It’s true isn’t it? Or it will be true as you consistently do loving things for you.

Day 10: Accept Your Body
You don’t have to be happy with every inch of your body to love and accept it. Stressing out over how your body looks sends a message that you disapprove of you. That isn’t loving to you! Few people say they’re happy with how they look. Yet they all have wonderful qualities they overlook because of their disdain for something about their bodies. All the plastic surgery and body tweaking going on for celebrities sets standards that the average person can’t attain.

Instead of accepting it, we lament over the flaws we see or the weight we can’t seem to lose. This is negative energy! Unconditional self-love means loving all of you, despite your flaws. It’s fine to want to do what you can to look your best. But, try to be as fit and healthy as possible, not to look perfect. It’s loving to want to feel as good as possible. It’s not loving to postpone self-acceptance until your body is as perfect as you imagine it could be. You may never love yourself if you do.

Day 11: Schedule a "ME Day"
People who with little self-love rarely have time for themselves and the activities they enjoy because they’re so fixed on doing what others want. This is very unloving! “ME time” is important for your happiness! Every time you make a little time to do something just for you is a lovely act of self-love. Try taking ME time to the next level!

Schedule a “ME day”—a whole day that’s ALL about YOU—to say a big loud “I love me!” Go to your calendar and choose a day that will work for you. A whole day! Weekends can be easier but it’s also fun to take a day off from work to play. No chores or errands. Just for things you’d enjoy. Plan your day ahead of time. Think about what you’d like to do. Write it down and look forward to it. Don’t tell anyone your plans, unless it’s someone you trust to be happy for you.

Make plans with YOU as important as those with other people to say “I love me!”

Day 12: Send Yourself a Love Message
Love letters are nice to get. Words of love feel good, so why wait for someone to give them to you when you can give them to yourself. With all the electronics, it’s easy to do. Send yourself words of love and encouragement. Leave a message on your home answering machine.

· Darn you’re good!
· You can do anything you choose
· I love you!
· Keep up the good work!
· I will take care of you!

Send similar messages in an email. Have a fun, loving line in the subject. It can make you smile to see it. And smile! Leave a loving post-it-note on your mirror before leaving for work. “I’m so happy that I love me!” “YOU’RE the BEST!” Be loving to you in writing or verbally. Send yourself a loving email. Leave yourself a loving phone message. Write yourself a love letter. It’s fun and might just bring a smile to your face and warm your heart.

Day 13: Say "Yes" to Spontaneity
Look for ways to be more spontaneous. If you’re doing chores and look out the window longingly at the sunshine, go for a long walk or call a friend to do something outdoors. If you have extra time off from work, see if there are last minute deals for a quick vacation. Everything you do will enrich your life in some way, whether you have fun or learn a lesson and get to know someone better or try something you want to do again.
Spontaneity loosens you up, so to speak, by making you more flexible about how you live. Being flexible allows you to go with the flow of life more and that flow can take you to great places. It allows you to try new things and take more risks, since spontaneous actions can be a risk sometimes. Do something last minute, spur of the moment, that you’d normally say no to or make excuses for why you can’t. Leave the laundry for another time. Tape the TV show you planned to watch. Get out and have fun. Open up your life to new dimensions. It says, “I love me!”

Day 14: Stop Feeling Like a Victim
Do you blame others for being unhappy? Do you complain that you hate being a victim? Playing a victim is your choice. Nobody can force you to give up your power to choose what you want. People Pleasers complain about who did them wrong. It’s YOUR choice to accept behavior you don’t like, or to love yourself enough to change your response to it.

Relinquish self-pity and change your situation! Why stay a victim? Taking a stand makes people less likely to take advantage. YOU control how folks treat you. Complaining is a cop-out. Nobody uses someone who won't allow it. And nobody is a victim unless they choose to be. Victims feel helpless, which brings self-esteem down and down and down. But you’re not helpless.

You always have spiritual support in uplifting yourself from living as a victim to setting boundaries and being happier. It’s all in your court. Think about what makes you feel like a victim and how you can change the dynamic. The more you nurture self-love, the less you’ll allow people to treat you poorly, and the less you’ll feel like a victim. Taking responsibility for how people treat you and loving yourself much better!

Day 15: Give Yourself Hugs
Hugs are therapeutic, even when you give them to yourself. Studies have shown that the more hugs you get, the stronger your well-being. Touch is therapeutic for your emotional health. Hugs, caressing, massages, etc. all do more than just feel good at the moment. They have lingering results. While it’s nice to get hugs and caresses from others, you can provide it to you at any time! Hugging yourself says, “I love me,” and helps you to feel good.
Wrap your arms around yourself for a minute when no one is around. It may feel funny the first few times but eventually you’ll get used to it and then enjoy the benefits. Hold yourself yourself. Rub your arms and any other parts your hands touch. Close your eyes and appreciate how good touch feels, even if it's from you. While they’re not a substitute for being hugged by someone else, they’re a separate feel-good action. Have you hugged yourself yet? Give yourself one as you read this if you can.


 Day 16: Try Meditating
Meditation helps you get into a state of relaxation. With the world going so fast, most people feel the stress of trying to keep up. Closing your eyes and breathing to a rhythm as you meditate can create space for you and build inner peace. Pushing yourself to keep up with life at the expense of your stress levels is very unloving. Meditation can bring you back to peace. 

Try mediation on your own or with a group. You don’t have to spend a lot of time doing it. You might not be able to sit still at first but keep going. The more you do it the easier it is to do. Try it for a few minutes. Work your way to fifteen minutes a day. As you get more in touch with your inner self, self-love will grow.

Day 17: Set Boundaries
Happiness is the best barometer of whether you should do things differently. It's tough to be happy when giving is a one-way street and you're going the wrong way. You might feel happy momentarily because of someone's gratitude. But that's not inner happiness. It’s superficial and won’t keep you smiling. Bill Cosby said, “I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."

Set clear boundaries—lines drawn that people recognize. Dancing around requests you want to turn down invites other requests. If you consider agreeing to something you don’t want to do, look in the mirror and say “Hello!” Then ask why you should do it? If you become conscious of what you do or don’t’ want to do, it’s easier to set boundaries to do less of what you don’t want. Each boundary says “I love me!”

Day 18: Make Being NICE an Asset, Not a Hindrance
Too often I hear people say they don’t want to be nice anymore. They see being nice as a hindrance, and complain they get less, feel used and taken advantage of and passed over for what they want when they’re nice. Leo Durocher coined the well-known expression—“Nice guys finish last.” The truth is: Nice people don’t finish last. DoorMats do!

Recognize that nice doesn’t mean pleasing everyone. It means being friendly, caring, respectful, courteous and helpful when it works for you. Redefine NICE and make it work for you. People like true nice people. As long as you learn to handle yourself in ways that show you take yourself seriously, you can be as nice as you’d like and enjoy the fruits it bring! It’s easier to love yourself when you feel like a true nice person, not taken for granted or used.

Day 19: Clear Out Old Stuff
Cleaning makes room for new and better things. The Law of Attraction responds to your clearing out what you don’t need to help you attract what’s more likely to make you happy. Cleaning also can help you feel more in control of you. When you control your environment, it improves self-esteem.

Affirm, “I’m giving this away to make room for new and better things in my life.” Stuff is stuff. Keeping things you don’t need can reinforce a mindset of lack—that you’re keeping it just in case you need it some day. I had to face that and accept that if I need something down the road, I’ll purchase a new one, since chances are I won’t need it. That helped me to clear out even more stuff. Say “I love me” to clear what you don’t need in order to attract new and better goodies!

Day 20: Value YOU
How much are you worth? If you don’t value yourself, it’s hard to attract self-love, or confidence, or success. One of the best ways to show that you value yourself is to be kind to you. Every time you treat yourself with love, you reinforce being worthy. Self-love translates into having greater value since the more love you have, the more you believe you DESERVE.

Make sure you get paid for your skills. Break any habits of giving them away to anyone who asks for a favor. The more you value you, the more other people will value you and the more confidence you’ll build. Throughout the day say, "Darn I'm good!" Do it in the mirror when possible. Convince yourself that you have a high value! You’ll love yourself for doing it!

Day 21: Let Faith Support You
Self-Love is a process that builds over time. Small loving acts are like little steps that stimulate self-love. I consider faith to be the glue—the power tool for building self-love and becoming an empowered person. Become more conscious of where you thoughts go when you have a problem. Try using faith for small issues and as you see it works, try more. The more you see faith work, the more you’ll trust it. The more you try and have a positive outcome, the more you’ll be motivated to use faith as a tool for getting through life in a happier and relaxed way.

You get as much as your mind allows. If you believe you can, you can. The contrary is true too. Be careful not to attract negatives. Faith is a solid gift of love to you. I implore you to use it if you want a happier life!

Day 22: Take a Break from Stress
It doesn’t matter what the world throws at you. Things at work may be frenetic. Your romantic partner is driving you crazy. Your kids are getting into trouble. The weather is miserable. Your mother is demanding your attention and calling you all day long. Do you LET all these things affect your mood and perspective of how good life is? Unless you consciously choose a different direction, stress will beat you up!

Allowing stress to go unchecked is VERY unloving to you! Doing something to relieve it, even temporarily, says, “I love me!” When you feel stressed, stop and do some deep breathing, even for just a minute. It can calm you down Find things that make you happy and focus on them instead of on problems. Enjoy just looking at the sunshine or watching the rain fall. Visualize a place that makes you happy. Find something that reduces your stress and do it regularly. Give yourself the gift of a more relaxed you. It’s YOUR choice—let stress control you or YOU take control of the stress so it doesn’t take over your life. Less stress leaves more room to be happy, and feel self-love.

Day 23: List Your Blessings 
You’ve probably heard it many times but that’s because it’s true. If you want to love yourself, focus on your blessings. Write down the things that make you smile or that you feel good about having. Then read each out loud, starting with, “I’m grateful for______.” The more you appreciate your blessings, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more you’ll fall in love with you.

Count your blessings every day. Add to your list whenever you can. Look for things to be grateful for. It will help you appreciate your life more!

Day 24: Tune in to What You Want
We all have desires, cravings, and things we think we should do. Choosing what to do, or not do, should take some thought so you can determine what's truly in your best interest. Often we want to do something for the wrong reasons. DoorMats make choices that will please others but might not please themselves!! That is not loving! Nor is it healthy. Nor does it bring happiness.

Whenever you’re about to make a decision, or take an action or agree to something someone else wants, ask yourself, “Who am I doing this for?” Is it something YOU want, or are you doing it to avoid taking risks, to soothe a negative emotion, or to make someone else happy? If it’s not about what YOU want, do you best to reconsider your choice. Doing what's in YOUR own best interest says, “I love me” because in the long run these choices will increase your happiness!

Day 25: Stamp Out Jealousy
Most of us have felt jealousy at least once. It’s a normal response to seeing something you want that you don’t have and someone else does. Jealousy can be blatant, like envying someone who has what you want badly or more subtle, like having a little niggling feeling when you want to be happy for a friend who lost weight when you wish you could be thinner or when someone gets a fantastic job when you hate as yours. It can be hard to watch others who are thrilled with having things you want too!

Feeling Jealous is not loving, since it reflects dissatisfaction about what you don’t have, instead of joy for what you do have. Be happy for others! What someone else has takes nothing away from you. When you can replace jealousy with blessings for the person who has what you want, your chances of attracting it increase as your mood and outlook get more positive. The more you’re happy for what others attract, the more you can attract too! And since it feels good, it increased self-love.

Day 26: Get Exercise
Moving is healthy. Aerobics helps your heart and burns calories. Weight training makes your body stronger. Instead of dieting to look good for someone else, exercise for YOU. Staying fit helps you live longer, increases energy, reduces stress, slows the effects of aging, maintains the immune system, and improves self-esteem. Looking better is just a bonus!

Take control! Find an exercise buddy or class. Be creative on busy days. Walk! It burns calories and strengthens the heart. Get a jump rope. Use stairs instead of elevators when possible. I go up and down stairs when time is tight. Do calisthenics at home. Use dumbbells. Find ways to get movin’ and groovin’. Dance! Take pride in any effort to improve your body. It’s hard for some of us. When you actually do something, enjoy having control over old habits. Don’t berate yourself if you don’t do “enough.” Even a little helps! That’s love!

Day 27: Let Go of Striving for Perfection
We’re often our own worst enemies when we judge ourselves more harshly than others would. We see ourselves through the distorted vision of blowing up our perceived flaws. Consistent perfection is impossible. A perfect rose is perfect until its petals wilt. A perfect romantic partner loses his or her pedestal when he or she gets moody, demanding, or critical. Perfection can change quickly.

Striving for perfection reinforces low self-esteem. There will always be a flaw that needs work, a pound to be lost, or a skill to be improved. But you can goof up or have a down day and still love yourself. Affirm, “I accept myself exactly the way I am” often during the day. Eventually you’ll believe it!

Day 28: Redefine Love Life
It’s common to make a romantic partner more important than yourself, but that doesn’t make it right. YOU should be the most important love of your life. That doesn’t take away from loving others too but does assure your place of honor in how you prioritize your needs and make sure you get enough happiness boosters. And, it assures that’s you’ll always be loved. Many people sacrifice their happiness to please someone else to feel loved. But, does that give you a real love life?

The more love you give yourself, the more you have to give and the more you attract, since self-love is attractive. Redefine the concept of love life to include self-love. Let self-love motivate you to only need approval from yourself. A love life based on self-love feels great! Build yours and watch it grow!

Day 29: Consciously Make An Effort To Eat Healthier
Eating a balanced diet with consciousness about getting good nutrition is a wonderful act of self-love. In the long run, eating healthy will make you feel better physically, which improves your life even more. Even if you don’t eat healthy consistently, every nutritious effort you make builds self-love. When you make a conscious choice to eat more veggies or not finish dessert or get the grilled instead of the fried chicken, say, “I’m making this choice to say ‘I love me!’”

Small efforts add up. As you eat a little healthier, you might find it easier to do and keep going. By doing so, you may drop a pound without trying or notice your digestion is better or have more energy. Those are some of the benefits of eating healthier. This act of self-love has many rewards that will improve your quality of life. As you feel better and your happiness increases from changes in diet, self-love blossoms.

Day 30: Give Yourself Permission to Do What Makes You Happy
Stepping out of your comfort zone to do something different or behave in a way you’re not used to can seem scary. If someone you want to please tells you to do something, it might feel more secure, since they’re letting you know it’s okay. You may believe you need permission to do what you want or to step into happiness. Give yourself permission to do what would make you happy, even if some people might not approve. If necessary,write down:

“I give me permission to spend the afternoon in the park because I love me.”

Make a few copies, sign each, and hang them up in different places where you see them. Let the message permeate your consciousness until you can’t resist the need to buy it. When you enjoy what you do, take another step to giving yourself more permission to do something else, like take some time off for relaxing.

Loving yourself should include giving yourself pleasure, over and over and over. Make a more permanent note to self and read it often:

“I give me permission to be happy because I love me.”

Day 31: Follow the 10 Commandments of Self-Love
I created my 10 Commandments of Self-Love to create even more awareness of how you might be hurting your ability to love yourself as much as you could, and to help you increase awareness of stopping self-love busters. Print them out, hang them up, and read them aloud whenever you can. Eventually you’ll find yourself applying them more and more.


10 COMMANDMENTS OF SELF-LOVE

1. I shall lovingly accept myself as I am right now.
2. I shall appreciate all the beauty that makes me who I am.
3. I shall regularly give thanks for all of my blessings.
4. I shall trust in my ability to take care of myself.
5. I shall not criticize myself.
6. I shall not criticize others.
7. I shall forgive myself when I make a mistake.
8. I shall be kind to others, without sacrificing my own needs.
9. I shall take responsibility for my life.
10. I shall love myself to the best of my ability.




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